Well there’s Jose Fernandez and Giancarlo Stanton, for now anyway

A filmmaker’s dream that can’t stop smiling, has a right arm of gold and the 2013 National League Rookie of the Year award somewhere in his closet; a hulking right fielder with Xbox power that smiles once a month and looks great naked; and a bunch of bearded ballplayers because the team’s marketing gurus are sold on the idea of duping you into buying $29.95 T-shirts on the web with your favorite player’s pressed on it and shoving $24.99 fake beards down your throat at the stadium because your 9-year-old son will definitely want to rock a homeless looking Jarrod Saltalamacchia on his chest, for all his buddies to see come Monday morning inside  his third grade class .

 In fact, if  you live in South Florida, love baseball and will be sitting in Section 325 all by yourself, you don’t have to wait until October to know that aside from growing potentially infectious beards, the 2014 Miami Marlins will not resemble the 2013 world champion Boston Red Sox in any shape or form. 

Unlike the Red Sox, nothing about the reportedly “neatly trimmed” Marlins will make you or any of your friends want to grow a beard, unless you fall into a depression at any point between April and September as the Marlins head for  a second straight 100-loss season and last place in the National League East.

Alright maybe, the cellar for this year’s Marlins squad is a bit harsh considering the Philadelphia Phillies will officially become the first team in baseball history to allow the use of rocking chairs and walkers on the field and the New York Mets are still shopping at the Swap Shop, while some of their minor league prospects put in time.

Or maybe last place is the only place for this year’s Marlins because the Washington Nationals and Atlanta Braves, two of the best teams in all of baseball, will be cashing big checks while feasting on the rest of the National League East.

But if you’re allergic to sun rays, don’t know what a golf club looks like and don’t own a boat, still believe in the Marlins and $15 Cuban sandwiches, there’s hope for you if you decide to drive to Little Havana and invest in your favorite baseball team:

There are always $5 box seats on the Internet to be found, you might even get to  see staff ace and future Cy Young winner Jose Fernandez on the mound ,and  be lucky enough to get a solid effort from 24-year-old, but at times an unmotivated slugger Giancarlo Stanton.

Yes, a youngNo.1 pitcher and power hitter are nice building blocks for an attention-starved team. Despite losing 100 games, the Marlins’ pitching staff, anchored by Fernandez, Nathan Eovaldi and Henderson Alvarez, established a franchise-record 3.71 ERA. The pitching staff kept the Marlins in a lot of close games, and above water for much of the summer.

Here’s the problem: The Marlins ranked last in the Majors in runs (513), home runs (95), batting average (.231) and slugging percentage (.335).  So, what did the Marlins do to power up the worst offense in the league?

Miami signed 36-year-old Rafael Furcal to play second base and bat leadoff, the same Furcal that missed all of 2013 and parts of 2012 with assorted injuries; journeyman Casey McGehee, who played in Japan last year, to take over at third base; and Garrett Jones, a platoon player in Pittsburgh last season, to get the majority of at-bats at first base; and catcher Saltalamacchia who took a lot of money to come home, even though he was benched halfway through the 2013 World Series. 

And if that wasn’t enough to put the supposed youth movement in overdrive, the revamped Marlins front office recently signed disgraced former Cubs closer Carlos Marmol to bolster the bullpen. For those of you that don’t know, that’s the same Carlos Marmol that recently pitched in the Caribbean World Series in hopes of attracting somebody into offering him a major league job because he didn’t have one.

            That’s right Marlins fans: Team management is leaning heavily on two players (Furcal, McGehee) that didn’t play in the big leagues last year, while praying internally that young outfielders Christian Yelich and Jake Marisnick continue to develop into serviceable players. Think of your 2014 Marlins as Sunday morning softball team, without the tattooed mashers, of course, meets high school varsity squad.

            So, if you really feel a need to invest in the 2014 Miami Marlins, buy one of those $5 box seats from the online ticket provider of your choice, and pray Fernandez is on the mound on the day stamped on your ticket, and beg the usher at the front gate to let you through so you can see Stanton smash a couple light bulbs during batting practice.

           Otherwise, go take some golf lessons and stay away from Marlins Park.

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Beckham spreads soccer cheer, aims for MLS in Miami by 2016

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

Brit soccer God turned America’s favorite underwear salesman, David Beckham, impeccably dressed in charcoal flat and skinny tie, pulled out his best moves for photographers capturing his every step and thousands in attendance, most of them women squealing in unison, during a news conference at the Perez Arts Museum, Wednesday morning.

            "I love a challenge,” Beckham, seated between M.L.S. commissioner Don Garber and Miami Dade County mayor Carlos A. Giménez, told the lively crowd, officially confirming that he will own – alongside still unnamed partners -  and run a M.L.S. franchise in Miami, slated to begin play no earlier than 2017. “This is an exciting time for myself, my family and friends.”

            With dashing looks and magnetic charisma, traits that have made him a global icon beyond your neighborhood soccer pitch, Beckham made quick friends with scantily clad soccer moms playing hooky from work and a sea of youngsters opting for Biscayne Bay instead of the classroom for the day, among those starved for the first M.L.S. franchise in town since 2001, the year the Miami Fusion went dark.

Beckham, each of his words routinely met with loud cheers and thunderous applause by the thousands overlooking Biscayne Bay, comforted the crowd by pointing out a lot has changed over the past decade when the Fusion struggled to drum up interest and routinely competed in an empty Lockhart Stadium in Ft. Lauderdale. His pitch: Miami has plenty to offer.

            “Miami is a vibrant city, a city with a lot of passion,” Beckham said. “It’s ready for football, for soccer. And I’m looking forward to spending a lot of time here.”

            Beckham said Miami is years removed from the Fusion experiment and is now an international hub that appeals to Europeans and Latin America. They all follow soccer and fill stadiums, using recent international soccer matches at Sun Life Stadium featuring Real Madrid, Chelsea and Brazil, as matches that drew large crowds.

            Amid the endless supply of teal and black promotional scarfs being tossed around and the resident DJ’s fascination with 80’s Eurythmics music, Beckham made sure to signal out Gimenez, long opposed to using public money for privately owned sports facilities, before making it clear he has a line of people at the ready to invest money on the “soccer club”.

            “We don’t want public funding,” said Beckham, exercising an option to purchase a team for $25 million before Dec. 31, 2013, a clause included in the 2007 contract he signed with the Los Angeles Galaxy. . “We will fund the stadium ourselves.”

None of the reporters at the presser, plenty of them as exuberant as the soccer groups in attendance, pressed Beckham on if he would indeed use  his own money, if the “partners” he has lined up bail out.

            Beckham and Garber are intent on finding land in Downtown Miami to accommodate the millions of Europeans and Latin Americans sophisticated soccer fans ready to ditch their means of transportation and head to the stadium on foot.

The lack of parking space in Downtown Miami doesn’t faze Beckham, who said soccer fans love to walk and is hoping the same holds true in Miami.

Garber, stopped several feet away from the makeshift stage after the press conference, said he had personally seen a handful of properties in Downtown Miami that appeal to Beckham and his future partners as potential stadium sites.  

“We want the stadium to be downtown,” said Garber.

               But the heartwarming and pageantry –filled gathering, while bringing momentary hope to soccer aficionados spread out in pockets of South Florida, namely Doral and Weston, left plenty of questions unanswered. There is no deal in place for the still-to-be financed stadium, or to purchase a piece of land to put it on.

            The nameless team has no uniform or color scheme, other than a hint in those teal and black scarfs worn in the crowd and a promise from Beckham that both will be representative of Miami’s “vibrant culture.”  

Beckham and those around him on Wednesday pushed 2016 as a target date for the new franchise, but with no indication of where the team will play, at least until a soccer stadium is built, 2017 might be a more realistic goal to kick things off.

             Beckham had no answer when pressed on if he had contacted any players about the possibility of playing for the team, although he later said he had reached out to several players.  

Nobody bothered asking Beckham if the city’s history of fickle fans and funding stadiums gone badly, such as Marlins Park, would have any impact on his efforts going forward.

Not on this day. This day was about celebrating soccer, with Beckham shaking hands, posing for the lens and giving hope to those ready with open arms to greet the possible return of professional soccer to Miami, including 24-year-old Colombian student Jose Tamargo.

“I always wanted to be part of this,” said Tamargo, surrounded by hundreds of supporters known as Soccer Legion, a support group put together to push the M.L.S. effort in Miami. “I love soccer.”

The Miami team would be the 22^nd in M.L.S. history, with the league slated to add two teams – in New York and Orlando City – in 2015.

“There’s (political) support for getting this done,” said Gimenez, minutes after a protest banner flying over the press conference read, “Beckham, don’t trust Gimenez.”

 

 

           

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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