Weekend in Miami: Chillin’ at Hush Bar & Lounge, popping balloons by the river and getting your literacy on ….

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

If you’re reading this right now you have no reason to feel guilty about playing sick so you can leave work early because you attended a football game last night and your favorite professional team WON! And you have a serious headache because you drank heavily and don't remember much from the Dolphins' 22-9 victory over the Bills. That's if, you're not sending me really nasty messages because I picked the Bills to defeat the Dolphins in this very space earlier this week.


But who gives a SHIT about my prediction or what you think since you were probably in the parking lot by 5 p.m. and don't remember Ryan Tannehill was sacked five times and Joe Philbin picked his nose three times  when you woke up today. And realize your favorite professional football team is 6-4 and so close to getting back in the AFC playoff picture you can see Kim Kardashian’s ass.





It will also officially be the weekend in Miami and there’s little to no chance of you walking through the doors of the ad agency which employs you and therefore guarantees – at least for now – you can drop $300 at Publix every other Friday and keep your BMW filled to the brim, because there’s just too much to do in the 305, again, and you might get hit by a bus on Monday.





Just kidding! The truth is you can’t stand your partner anymore and have given him/her 48 hours to pick up all their shit and get the hell out of your house. You, on the other hand, just might run into Kim’s ass since it’s as big as what awaits you this weekend.





FRIDAY 11/14: You’re drained from a short work week and the Dolphins sucked the last ounce of happiness you had in your soul because they tend to do that to you even though they actually won the game last night. And that’s why you want to stay in bed until 7 a.m. on Saturday until the Cuban lawnkeeper who does your grass (wink, wink!) fires his shit up. But you have to be a heartless party pooper to turn down your friend’s suggestion of going to the grand opening of Hush Lounge (1661 Pennsylvania Avenue, Miami Beach, FL 33134, 786-540-4874) in South Beach. And this definitely sounds like the perfect place to pick yourself back up, if you just want to hang out in a chill bar and not be surrounded by snobby bitches.





SATURDAY 11/15: Get up, beautiful! Down a couple shots of expresso, let your man unload on you a couple times or take a cold shower. But make sure you rise early and set your alarm clock in time for the 7^th annual Downtown Miami Riverwalk Festival & Boat Parade, where you will feel right at home amid funky arts and crafts, extravagant-attired dancers, sweet music and food from every country you can name; hopefully all of them. And don’t you dare leave the kids behind because this family-friendly event will be flooded with so many balloons and clowns your kiddies will be snoring in the backseat of the car by the time you get on I-95 to drive back home. (315 S. Biscayne Blvd., 10 a.m. – 4 p.m. http://www.miamiriverwalkfestival.com





SUNDAY 11/16: If you’re breathing and reading this that means you probably own a cellphone, have the ability to use your fingers and probably haven’t touched a book – you know the thing you used to take to the beach and lose yourself in – in years. Honesty: We live inside a microwave so we don’t have the time to kick back and flip pages after pages filled with words. But that doesn’t mean you’re not old school and still have a special place in your heart for books. If so, Miami Book Fair International is the place to be as the literacy fair celebrates its 31^st year of flooding the streets adjacent to Miami Dade College with enough panels, authors and books that you might fall in love with books again; or run into a high school hottie you haven’t seen in 15 years. All the madness and really smart people will start showing up at 6 p.m. (Miami Dade College, 300 NE 2^ND Avenue, Miami, FL 33132, http://www.miamibookfair.com)

Let’s be real: The Milwaukee Bucks are so bad that the NBA should have an open tryout for anybody who still believes they can dribble a basketball, even if you’re 40 and haven’t touched a basketball since 1989. And the NBA should host this open tryout while Jason Kidd hands out free cans of Pepsi because Jason Kidd looks like a real asshole and basketball fans in Milwaukee deserve nothing but the best after suffering for so long. Anyway… here’s a really good chance for the Miami Heat to pad the stat sheet while your girlfriend gets drunk on Cran-vodkas and starts begging you to take her home in the third quarter with the Heat up 20. Do it, dude!  AmericanAirlines Arena (601 Biscayne Boulevard, Miami, FL 33132, 786-777-1000, http://www.aaaena.com, http://www.miamiheat.com)





Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.