By Fernie Ruano Jr.
Feeling a bit sluggish and disoriented right about now because you’ve logged 53 hours at the credit union this week, your 35-year-old French girlfriend has been begging you since Tuesday to take her dancing tonight and your 45th birthday is next weekend?
Well, wash your face and say hello to Matthew McConaughey and Bernard Hopkins.
Exuberant and reinvented McConaughey, the one who earlier this year delighted as quirky-Louisiana detective Rust Cohle in HBO’s “True Detective” and has made a turn for the dramatic since the top of the decade in films like “Mud”, “Killer Joe” and “Dallas Buyer’s Club”, not 2000s shirtless, rom-com Matthew McConaughey, oozes of the dude you would invite over on any given Sunday to watch Jaguars-Cowboys and 49ers-Saints on your 50-inch plasma , wipe out the beer stash in the aluminum cooler in the backyard and charm your wife to the point he gives her a ride to the supermarket for more meat, while you stay behind updating the roster on your fantasy league team.
So, who better than McConaughey, who turned 45 earlier this week, is doing the merry-go-around “Interstellar”, a new release where he plays a futuristic pilot and buries his Texas surfer-persona even deeper, and fortunately for you isn’t coming over to your house on Sunday, to toss around a football with Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show for a game of “Facebreakers”, where they aimed at panes of glass with each other’s faces on them?
McConaughey was no match for Fallon, but the real pleasure was watching the actor talk to himself up with quirky lines like “Got to settle down McConaughey; hang on one second, babe.” Nobody so self-deprecating can put on such an act, and if it is, what’s not to love about McConaughey anyway? And if you’re still struggling to pick yourself up and snap the bra off your girlfriend….
Bernard Hopkins, 49, and who made his professional boxing debut in 1988, is fighting Sergey Kovalev (25-0, 23 KOs) in a light heavyweight unification bout, Saturday night in Atlantic City, New Jersey. Think about that for a second.
Hopkins, two months shy of his 50th birthday and not too far removed from getting free coffee refills at Denny’s, is willing to climb in the ring against an opponent 18 years his junior. And proceed to embarrass Kovalev in 12 rounds with ever-present boxing skills worthy of another instructional video which can be marketed to 18-year-old boxers in gyms across America who want to grow up to be exceptional counterpunchers and ring tacticians and interested in learning what superb hand and foot speed can do for your career, especially if Kovalev decides to stand in front of Hopkins eating his pawing jab and opening opportunities for Hopkins to land his right hand.
Or Kovalev lands one big punch and retires Hopkins forever.
Still tired??
No. 5 Alabama @ No. 16 LSU (CBS, 8 P.M.): Playoffs? Don’t talk to me about the playoffs!!! Who needs to wait until January when you have November’s first loser-leaves-town match and Lane Kiffin vs. John Chavis? The problems which pained LSU’s in September have slowly been smoothed out with experience and Leonard Fournette, while Alabama just can’t lose another….
No. 14 Ohio State @ No. 8 Michigan State (ABC, 8 P.M.): This is kind of Girl E vs. Girl F in your 1990 high school yearbook; one of them is a bit chunky, divorced and has three kids and the other just got dumped by her boyfriend last week and has six cats.
This one lost a bit of a luster in September when both teams suffered reputation-damaging losses and fell off the national scope bandwagon. But it’s still a Big Ten mudder with a lot of drunk fans in the stands and a potential preview of the conference title game.
San Francisco at New Orleans (FOX, 1 p.m.): You’re lying if you thought both of these teams would be .500 at the midway point of the season and fighting for their respective playoff lives. Well, Frank Gore has guaranteed the 49ers will make the playoffs and the Saints, in all honesty, don’t lose at home.
And the loser of this game is in deep shit because everything is fine in the Seattle Seahawks’ locker room and Russell Wilson is combing his hair again without being interrupted by any of his teammates.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
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