By Fernie Ruano Jr.
Let it go already! I know you still sleep in the Miami Heat boxer shorts your ex-wife bought you on your first date in 1994 and needed an extra cup of coffee this morning after waking up at 5 a.m. to watch a replay of last night’s dismantling of your favorite NBA team by the Los Angeles Clippers, and talk yourself into believing, while petting your dog, the Heat would be the fifth seed in the Eastern Conference right now if Dwyane Wade and Udonis Haslem would have played against the Clippers.
But in all honesty: You should be out of those chocolate fudge-stained boxer shorts already and on your lunch break, if you’re not playing hooky from work, but not screaming your diagnosis at any of your friends seated at the table since most of them gave up on the Heat when the guy who now plays in Cleveland left town, and they’re interested in the Spicy Tuna rolls in front of them, not discussing the Heat’s offensive and rebounding woes since none of them are basketball coaches and can’t make Wade and Haslem any younger, force Chris Bosh to play closer to the paint and convince Mario Chalmers he isn’t the best player in NBA history.
And your best friend, who is 6’1” and was the backup point guard on the boys’ basketball team at South Miami High School in 1995, hasn’t touched a basketball in 12 years, weighs 297 pounds and yesterday replaced the Tim Hardaway poster he’s had in his room since 1997 with one of his French-model girlfriend. And could probably care less the undersized Heat was outrebounded 35-30 by the Clippers and ranks 21st in overall offense in the league at 97.1 points per game.
Sorry, dude. Unfortunately for you it’s still mid-November and the Heat will continue to get doused all season long by big teams like they did against the Clippers, and struggle to find their offense if the ball isn’t moving, especially with a roster lacking in players that can create their own shots, including Chris Bosh.
But while you waste your time praying Wade gets healthy because most 32-year-old men with bad knees who play professional basketball for a living never really get healthy, you can take solace in that the Miami Dolphins, your favorite NFL football team and the same team currently in position to make a run at their first playoff appearance since 2009, visit the Denver Broncos on Sunday afternoon for one of the most important games in the team’s recent history because a victory over the Peyton Manning-led Wild Horses would not only drop Denver into a tie with Kansas City in the AFC West, but shoot Miami right into the middle of a mad scramble with potentially six 7-4 teams heading into Thanksgiving weekend.
So, don’t worry much about the Heat….
Instead, be thankful, like me, for your family, especially your mom, dad, sister, nephew, brother-in-law and aunt, this Thursday, stuffed turkey, homemade pumpkin pie, muffins, Scarlett Johansson, arroz blanco, frijoles negros, the cooler stuffed with beer underneath the outdoor tiki bar, the female Cuban soul mate who puts up with a lot of your ----, Kim Kardashian’s nude pictures, the redhead walking her dog on Brickell Avenue every day at 8:45 a.m., the ability to exercise and keep fit, looking relatively young at 44, my talent for writing, my creative skills, running, tennis, Miami Children's Hospital, social media, Miami, getting up in the morning, Skittles, Starbucks, movies, sports, music, the beach, the ocean, Marvin Gaye's voice and music, rainy days, Tom Brady's, brains, Aaron Rodger's arm, Mike Trout's swing, Tony Parker's passes, Sidney Crosby's smoothness, mamey milkshakes, approachable people, snobs 'cause they keep you grounded, high school yearbooks because we all need a laugh once in a while, Alejandro Fernandez's voice and music, my fingers, my vision, women wearing flip flops, women wearing dresses, bookstores, pizza, Publix fried chicken, Publix subs, women that can read and spell their names without help, computers, fake boobs (just because you can’t go anywhere in the 305 without them or seeing them), books, petite women, pastelitos, croquetas, chicken steak, fried plantains, and the man up in the heavens for giving me at least another day of life and breathing life into a man’s soul……
Happy Thanksgiving!
DETROIT @ NEW ENGLAND (FOX, 1 p.m.): Is a slide around the corner for the Lions, who are coming off a loss at Arizona and now face Brady’s Bunch with the Green Bay Packers quickly charging in the NFC North? Detroit’s offense has a habit of disappearing for long stretches of games, even with Megatron on the field, while the New England’s revamped offensive line is developing into arguably the best in the game. Just ask Jonas Gray.
MIAMI @ DENVER (CBS, 4:25 p.m.): The Dolphins really need this one. A win would definitely turn them into legitimate playoff contenders and get the nation talking about your favorite football team for the first time in a longtime. Ryan Tannehill and Cam Wake will likely have their cellphones filled with interview requests from national writers and TV networks. But unfortunately for Miami, the Broncos need this one, too, especially coming off a loss to the St. Louis Rams. A Dolphins win combined with a Chargers win would create a three-team tie for first place in the AFC West and have the Dolphins sitting pretty…. But the thought of Miami beating Peyton Manning at home just doesn’t …..
ARIZONA @ SEATTLE (CBS, 4:25 p.m.): From the outside looking in, this has the makings of a game tailor-made for the Seahawks. Arizona is coming off an emotional tilt against Detroit and had little time to think their starting quarterback, Carson Palmer, is out for the season with a knee injury. Seattle returns home after losing to Kansas City and at 6-4 is a desperate team with an angry running back who wants to get paid; Scary.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
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