Forced “Shakira” is a painful listen

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

 

Where are the paramedics?

That’s about the only question you’re going to be asking yourself – in between reaching for the mute button in hopes of keeping your head from exploding - while listening to the Shakira-Blake Sheldon duet, “Medicine”, the on-a-whim, pop-country track embellished with banjo licks as the vocalists lazily declare the best remedy (gasp!) is having each other.

 

“You’re the only that will,” the pairing insist throughout the migraine-inducing track, which somehow made the cut for Shakira’s new, self-titled album. That’s unless you’re a big shot at 30 Rockefeller Plaza in New York and go to bat for NBC, the network that employs both singers as coaches on “The Voice”.

 

The message is clear: We’re going to shove this uninspiring and boardroom-conceived song down your throat even if you end up in a coma. Sadly, it does nothing to pump life into the Colombian pop star’s true talent.

 

But biting into frozen fruit and chugging a watered-down cup of orange juice – if you’re still breathing-while being holed up in a hospital are viable options compared to stomaching “Shakira”, the singer’s 1oth album and follow up to 2010’s “Sale el Sol”.

 

There is little not to like about Shakira, a reasonably-grounded and accessible star always willing to explore new avenues. But perhaps we expected more at this point from an artist with such an established resume, and not just a flat, commercially-inflated album lacking in originality.

 

Such is the case with the drunken “Dare”, an electro-dance track that is more synchronized and slurred than daring, and “Can’t Remember To Forget You” , another collaboration lacking any kind of freshness, although it might rekindle your love for 80’s Police music.  

 

The misplaced piano tinkling leading into booming beats do nothing to build up “Empire” while putting Shakira in an uncomfortable predicament and distancing her further away from the sound and creativeness that led to her rise in the mid-90’s in exchange for selling out to music executives itching for a mainstream chartbuster.

 

It’s been a while since we’ve heard Shakira delight with the short bursts cries and high-pitched lyrics, both part of her widespread appeal throughout a three-decade career. And her latest effort does nothing to bring her back where she belongs.