By Fernie Ruano Jr.
Just because it’s December and Santa Claus just pulled out another pair of long underwear out of his drawer because for your child’s well-being… he lives in the North Pole, doesn’t mean we here in the 305, especially the majority of women, who let’s be honest: spend more time sweating in Samba class than making love to their husbands, are walking out in the morning looking as if a snowstorm is approaching.
Alright, we have our exceptions and if you’re a man you can’t be anything but thankful because it’s hard to find a man who doesn’t enjoy a woman in leather boots, a turtleneck and tight jeans, even if it’s 81 outside and the extended forecast calls for plenty of rain. And if she’s really loose and casual she's probably wearing short shorts, the way-above-the-knee, thigh-hugging shorts preferred by yesteryear’s Hollywood bombies Marilyn Monroe and Farah Fawcett, populated by 80s NBA ballers Magic Johnson and Isiah Thomas and recently reintroduced – lovely reintroduced – by Olivia Munn and Jennifer Lopez; Taylor Swift, Iggy Azalea and Selena Gomez, too.
And if you’re really lucky, I guess, you might run into Miley Cyrus in short shorts this week in Miami because the potty-mouthed, desperately-seeking-a-donut “star” will be hanging out in our hood for a few days after allegedly performing at an Art Basel-opening event, Wednesday night.
But unless they’re not hugging Miley’s boney back, and styled right, of course, short shorts are a blessing; especially, when worn confidently, which is a trait Miami women rarely struggle to upkeep. From the petite brunette in your 1988 geometry class to the 29-year-old Webby who sends you naughty pictures at night, confidence and short shorts go hand-in-hand. And I’m honored, if not privileged, to live in a city where women can wear short shorts this time of year; But while we’re on something small and tight with little or no room to operate…
AL GOLDEN’S FUTURE: A couple local scribes, who undoubtedly have an interest in the well-being of the University of Miami athletic department since it helps pay their respective bills at home, continue to sing the praises, if not loosen up the tie around Hurricanes head coach Al Golden, even after a humiliating regular-season ending loss to Pittsburgh, Saturday night. But none of them has bothered to ask the question on the minds of many fans that grew up rooting for the program, and have grown-old in recent years thanks to UM’s irrelevance in college football circles: Is Al Golden still the right man for the job?
The Canes most recent loss not only dropped them to 6-6 on the season, but left Golden, in his fourth year in Coral Gables, at 28-21 for his career in Miami; And barely holding onto his job after a second .500 regular season during his tenure. What’s worst is Miami never competed in their last two regular-season games against Virginia and Pittsburgh, respectively, when an 8-4 record would have at least buried the loss to Florida State deep in the box. Instead, Golden is now 3-17 in games the Canes have trailed at halftime under his watch. And this is the same guy who received a contract extension through 2019 after his first year at the helm. Golden is out of excuses, including the long in the rearview sanctions he repeatedly used as a clutch. He will be able to add Duke Johnson and Brad Kaaya to his resume, but watching Johnson speed through the UM rushing record book and overseeing Kaaya’s maturation process just isn’t enough at this point to validate his status as coach of a once proud program. UM President Donna Shalala, who is on the way out next year, approved the extension, despite Golden not drawing interest from any other schools at the time. Too bad, Shalala can’t take Golden with her.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
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