By Fernie Ruano Jr.
BREAKING NEWS: For the first time in 53 years, the United States of America has a president in office that the Cuban government finds deserving of “respect and recognition.”
All it took was President Obama’s overhauling of U.S.-Cuba relations, the first of any kind since the two nations severed ties in 1961, which centered on the return of an innocent U.S. International contractor turned prisoner (Alan Gross) in exchange for three convicted Cuban spies.
In short, the U.S. will move toward re-establishing an embassy in Havana (diplomatic relations), broadening use of existing categories of travel (travel and trade), raising remittances from $500 t0 $2000 per quarter in “support of the Cuban people” (raising remittances), commercially exporting items to allow Cubans to communicate with people in the United States (expanding internet service) and monitoring Cuba’s terrorism activity (terrorism review). What’s more: You my fellow American will be able to use your CREDIT CARD in Havana. And travel as you please in “support of the Cuban people.” Great!
I’m glad Mr. Gross is home, now able to celebrate Hanukah with family and friends. But in no way should these negotiations be celebrated, especially when they will do little to aid the most important people of all: the Cuban people. It also stings to the heart to realize President Obama is turning over convicted criminals for merely a concession from the Cuban government. So, they’re going to release 53 political prisoners, so they say? News flash: The Cuban prisons are flooded with thousands of political prisoners. Use of the Internet? Cubans on the island will be able to communicate with each other, and relatives in Miami, perhaps, but its unlikely they will have access to the world around them. It’s always been like that, why expect anything to change now?
Like most of the people that take their time to come through here, I’m not 70 and hanging out at Versailles all day with an “Anti-Obama” or "Abajo Fidel!" poster board at the ready. But I was raised in a home held together by Cuban parents, both of whom had their lives uprooted by political circumstances, and I walk the streets of Miami with the pride of a man born in Cuba, not in the United States.
That’s why yesterday’s announcement, never mind President Obama’s attempt to relate with his poor use of Cuban lingo, hurt so bad; really bad. From the outside, it looks as if all the U.S. is doing is extending a lifesaver to a starved, drowning nation that once upon a time had the Soviet Union, and Venezuela, more recently, to lean on. No matter who was in the White House, be it Kennedy, Nixon, Carter or Clinton, respectively, Cuba never sought the need to negotiate with the U.S. because they had financial support from the aforementioned. - until now. Cuba is in financial ruins, bursting at the seams, and that's the only reason the Cuban government is suddenly welcoming renewed relations with the U.S. A once beautiful island, but now starved is looking for any help it can get. “Si Obama, no es facil.”
That’s why yesterday’s announcement, never mind President Obama’s attempt to relate with his poor use of Cuban lingo, hurt so bad; really bad. From the outside, it looks as if all the U.S. is doing is extending a lifesaver to a starved, drowning nation that once upon a time had the Soviet Union, and Venezuela, more recently, to lean on. No matter who was in the White House, be it Kennedy, Nixon, Carter or Clinton, respectively, Cuba never sought the need to negotiate with the U.S. because they had financial support from the aforementioned. - until now. Cuba is in financial ruins, bursting at the seams, and that's the only reason the Cuban government is suddenly welcoming renewed relations with the U.S. A once beautiful island, but now starved is looking for any help it can get. “Si Obama, no es facil.”
But it’s the WEEKENDin MIAMI and since you can do, say, eat and wear anything you want in Miami, unlike in Cuba, and it’s the last WEEKEND before CHRISTMAS, you should dance salsa, eat lechon and scream at your neighbor with the passion of a woman that has finally found LOVE or is getting laid, in exchange for having to raise your man’s 8-year-old daughter. Or you finally found the red zipper dress that allocates the fake tits you got in 2010 perfectly! Now, that deserves some respect and recognition.
FRIDAY 12/19: Do you have a heart, a big one? Dylan has been bugging the shit out of you for weeks because he wants you to “sneak” out of work early to take him and his buddies to Santa’s Enchanted Forest (Tropical Park, 7900 Bird Road, 305-226-8315). It’s thisclose to Christmas and he’s so excited the only way he’s going to be able to sleep a full eight hours before next Thursday is if you take him to Miami’s ol’ holiday theme park where he will be delighting amid lights, rides, games and cotton candy. Honestly: This is the shit for children and since you were once a child and begged your mom to take you to SEF so much she almost had a heart attack, you should do the same for your little guy. Park opens at 5 p.m. Kids 2 or younger get in free. Single-day passes cost $20.56 to $51.40. (www.santasenchantedforest.com)
SATURDAY 12/20: All the names on the list on your kitchen counter are scratched off and your Christmas tree is surrounded with wrapped-boxes of all shapes and sizes. You’re pretty much set for Christmas Day, which means you don’t have to deal with obnoxious kids and snobby bitches at Aventura Mall until next November. All you want to do is put on your orange tank top, blue skinny jeans and bone pumps to shake your ass away to fused rhythms of Afrobeta and friends at Grand Central (697 N. Miami Avenue), all for $10. And think about it: You’re going to have a blast and probably won’t have to avoid some Halston-reeking bro by screaming, “Get the fu$% out of my face, dude!”
SUNDAY 12/21: To suggest you reach into your wallet to spend your hard-earned $$$$ on the Miami Dolphins is like telling your best friend to call up the dude she slept with in February because she’s single and wants a new handbag for Christmas. Just like the Dolphins, it would be worthless at this point. But if you have never been to a professional football game, this is your chance. For starters, you will be able to pull up to Sun Life Stadium (347 Don Shula Drive, Miami Gardens, FL 33156, www.sunlifestadium.com) and buy a pair of tickets, off a scalper preferably, for close to nothing, much like the amount of clothes you and your friend will be wearing since the game starts at 1 p.m. and it’s usually really hot around that time of day in Miami. And if you’re really hot, you might also be able to bribe one of the concession stand workers into cutting you deals on food and stuff. Besides, you’re going to be in a half-empty stadium since this game is as meaningless as the guy you met at Blue Martini at 4 a.m. last night.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email
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