By Fernie Ruano Jr.
There’s no way around it: A well-rounded breakfast is essential for any breathing and living human being, especially if you live in Miami and have to outhustle very polite drivers on I-95, mow lawns ‘til sunset, or be in line at Starbucks by 9:30 a.m. to play with your cellphone and put your makeup on, before heading off to work to chat with your divorced-best friend all day long on Facebook, because you’re from the 305 and have your priorities all straightened out.
Seriously: Breakfast is very important whether you actually spend the majority of your day moving the economy in SoFlo or in bed having sex with your boyfriend, therefore any combination of scrambled eggs, pancakes, bacon, sausages, oatmeal, fruit, grits, bagels, biscuits and gravy, orange juice and coffee should be as crucial to your morning as brushing your teeth.
And it’s understandable if you don’t have time during the workweek to kickback and load up on breakfast items until your little heart is content, but c’mon: Who doesn’t love to loosen up on weekends and indulge on a hearty breakfast in the company of family and friends?
Besides, breakfast is the perfect time to leave your snobby mask at home and relax around the table amid a buzzy and friendly atmosphere, unlike dinner when it can get a bit stuffy with the dimed lights, fake candles, your stupid French boyfriend and shit….
JACKSON SOUL FOOD: Are you sick of being served instant and tasteless grits out of the microwave all over the 305? Well, chug some Pepto Bismol and shoot over to this casual, everyday home-style food palace, where the smothered pork chops are so juicy and tasty you’re going to be singing “R-E-S-P-E-C’T” before the bill is slapped on your table. But take your time and order some eggs, pancakes and fried chicken because it’s so affordable you’re going to want to pig out on soul food until the buttons on your pants pop. And even Aretha Franklin would approve of that. (950 NW 3rd Avenue, Miami, FL 33136, 305-374-7661, www.jacksonsoulfood.com)
BUENA VISTA DELI: You enjoy a fulfilling breakfast of baked goods and coffee in the morning, but don’t like stuffing yourself to the point that you need your wife’s hand to pull the car keys out of your pocket…. “Buena Vista” offers such a diverse variety of pasteries, breads and croissants you’re going to think you’re in Paris, not a cozy and buzzy-Midtown deli where you can always find your fix to start the day and not walk out the front doors feeling as if you need a nap. (4950 NE 2nd, Miami, FL 33137, 305-576-3945, www.buenavistadeli.com)
VERSAILLES: Is there another restaurant in Miami where you can stuff your face from 9-11:45 a.m. eating scrambled eggs, pancakes, assorted cereals, ham, sausage, bacon, French toast, pastelitos, fruit, chicken salad and CODFISH FRITTERS for $8.95, while reveling in a chatty and homey atmosphere amid some of your favorite Cubans? And you can even bring the kiddies and abuelita because the buzz here is so family-friendly your 58-year-old uncle might fall for the olive-clad and flirtatious waitress who’s going to be serving you. Note: There’s a short-blonde on the restaurant side that’s really hot…. (3555 SW 8th Street, Miami, FL 33145, 305-444-0240, www.versaillesrestaurant.com)
S&S DINER: Bring your mom with you and quiz her on how beautiful Marilyn Monroe really was because this spacious diner is definitely a blast from the past. But fire away before the food arrives since once your chow is placed on your table you will be too busy savoring the delicious potatoes, grits and pancakes, to name a few items…. The service is a bit on the slow side, but you should expect no less on a weekend morning. But the reasonable prices and 50’s vibe definitely make it worth the wait. (1757 NE 2ndAvenue, Miami, FL 33132, 305-373-4291)
VICKY BAKERY (CORAL GABLES): If you’re reading this right now you probably grew up in Miami and have dropped a few dimes on pastelitos, croquetas and café con leche at this Cuban carbalicious institution, which has locations all over the 305. Come clean: The caramelized pastelitos are so good; you can’t resist taking a box to go after having three of them for breakfast. But your breakfast and lunch/dinner just got a whole lot better because Vicky recently took it up a couple notches by opening a bakery/café in Coral Gables. Now, you can have Cuban dishes, sandwiches, salads and tapas to go with your beer and wine. And don’t fear… you can still eat lots and lots of pastelitos and croquetas, too, while daydreaming by the side window, if you’re not checking out the awesome Cuban décor. (243 University Drive, Coral Gables, FL 33134, 786-334-6622, www.vickybakery.com)
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
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