wordbyfernie: Gatorade at 50: Top 3 reasons why I love the sport...

wordbyfernie: Gatorade at 50: Top 3 reasons why I love the sport...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Gatorade, the most popular sports drink of this generation or any generation and with a secured place in pop cult...

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Gatorade at 50: Top 3 reasons why I love the sports drink

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

Gatorade, the most popular sports drink of this generation or any generation and one with a secured place in pop culture history, is celebrating its 50^th anniversary in 2015.

That’s right. We’ve had a Beatles breakup, been introduced to Cabbage Patch Kids and Viagra, survived 10 presidents in office and read about a wedding starring George Clooney as the groom since early summer of 1965 when four researchers took their findings into a University of Florida lab to formulate a balanced carbohydrate-electrolyte beverage that would forever change the way athletes everywhere replace fluids.

Steve Spurrier, Michael Jordan, Derek Jeter and millions of kids on playgrounds across America have drunk Gatorade. I have too. In fact it’s my favorite drink ever, unless it’s 3am and there’s a bartender in front of me; and the hell with the artificial sweeteners.

Here are my Top 3 reasons why I love Gatorade.

1. It fuels me up: You can keep your energy bar and protein shakes because there’s nothing that fuels me up after a long run or game of basketball like Gatorade. Yes I drink plenty of water but the anticipation of twisting the orange cap off a plastic Gatorade bottle makes my mouth watery. Hell, I’m getting thirsty right now. I’ll take a lemon-lime Gatorade, please…
    
2. Sense of accomplishment: Just like any athlete during or after a game chugging some Gatorade, I feel an extra boost of energy, if not a sense of accomplishment, when I am taking the orange cap off the plastic Gatorade bottle in front of me whether it’s after a 12-mile run, 30-minute basketball game or sex.
    
3. The commercials: From “I want to be like Mike” to Peyton Manning’s oversized head to Derek Jeter’s farewell walk through the streets of New York, Gatorade has mastered the art of commercials and they will forever withstand the test of time. C’mon… Even an oversized head can’t derail Jenny Finch’s hotness.
    

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.

 

 

 

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wordbyfernie: J. Lo: Top 5 roles on the big screen

#top5jlomovies #fernieruanojr #selena #outofsight #maidinmanhattan #enough #anunfinishedlifewordbyfernie: J. Lo: Top 5 roles on the big screen: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Singer/actress/producer Jennifer Lopez, born in The Bronx, New York to Puerto Rican parents in 1969, has been ...

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J. Lo: Top 5 roles on the big screen

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

Singer/actress/producer Jennifer Lopez, born in The Bronx, New York to Puerto Rican parents in 1969, has been singing and dancing since Hector Lavoe ruled the record charts and Iris Chacon topped the TV ratings in Puerto Rico.

J. Lo scored her first acting role while still in high school, went ‘Fly” on In Living Colorin 1992 as a backup dancer and has been a big screen fixture for close to 20 years, including her breakout and leading role in 1997’s Selena, a biopic about legendary Tejano music singer Selena Quintanilla-Perez.

The Boy Next Door, starring Lopez and Ryan Guzman opens in theatres Friday, January 23. Here are J. Lo’s Top5 performances according to #wordbyfernie.

1. Selena(1997): Lopez, known in part for her dancing and singing prowess, convinces in playing the often times tormented Mexican-American star. The role earned her worldwide recognition.
    
2. An Unfinished Life (2005): It opened to less than unflattering reviews largely because of its Hallmark, feel good premise, but Lopez is adequate, if not exceptionally likeable in the role of Jean, a grief-stricken rancher son’s wife.
    
3. Out of Sight (1998): Lopez scores rave reviews as a US Marshall on the hunt for a bank robber (played by George Clooney). All the chasing eventually wears moviegoers out, but the onscreen chemistry between Lopez and Clooney is on target.
    
4. Enough (2002): Slim, her name in the movie isn’t exactly apt for someone standing up to her rich turned abusive husband. But J. Lo does wonders for the women-empowering crowd as an abused wife that trains relentlessly in order to defend herself against her husband.
    
5. Maid in Manhattan (2002): The premise – single mother and maid falls for a hunky politician – is on the soft side and very predictable, but this romantic comedy makes you fall in love even more with Lopez, especially if you’re a woman and swear on fairytales.

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.

 

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wordbyfernie: Jennifer Lopez is giddy about The Boy Next Door

#theboynextdoor #jlo #teacher #separated #fernieruanojr #Claire #noah wordbyfernie: Jennifer Lopez is giddy about The Boy Next Door: By Fernie Ruano Jr. It’s premise all too conventional, The Boy Next Door , the cougarlicious, R-rated thriller starring Jennifer L...

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Fire up tthe oven: J. Lo is hot about The Boy Next Door

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

It’s premise all too conventional, The Boy Next Door, the cougarlicious, R-rated thriller starring Jennifer Lopez opening this weekend, might leave moviegoers asking a tired question: Haven’t we seen this already?

But the 45-year-old, ‘Next Door’ producer, Lopez, who dons spec glasses and fitted suits, when she’s not rolling around over satin sheets naked as Claire Peterson, a recently separated teacher drawn in by her hunky next door neighbor Noah (Ryan Guzman), is optimistic about the lasting impact the low-budget ,Universal release can have in the box office, especially since it was produced in 23 days and features two “Latinos":.

“It’s definitely mainstream, but as a producer I feel great because I believe I picked the best actor for the role,” said Lopez during a phone interview last week in Miami. “And I don’t know if a big studio would have made this movie that we would have had two Latinos opening in it.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgbBwovOOoc&feature=player_embedded

Despite the film’s early reviews, Lopez, who unprovoked said the $4 million produced film included talent sharing one trailer and no craft service, thinks a successful run  for The Boy Next Doorwould allow her more freedom as a producer, which she would use to cast more Latinos, among other things.

“It would do incredible things for us if the Latino community went out to get behind (this movie),” said Lopez. “It would definitely allow us to pitch making more movies this way and to tell our stories. And as passionate as I am about this industry, that to me is extremely exciting.”

Lopez, who struck up a much publicized relationship with young backup dancer Casper Smart after her divorce from singer Marc Anthony, believes a lot of middle-aged women searching for themselves are easily lured by younger men because they are at their most vulnerable point in life.

While not alluding to any of her previous relationships, Lopez hinted at having to deal with a lack of confidence in recent years.

“You know, a lot of women have trouble dealing with their husband’s cheating on them and not feeling desirable,” said Lopez. “We’ve all been there and that’s why I felt I understood Claire.”



The Boy Next Door, directed by Rob Cohen and also featuring Kristen Chenoweth and John Corbett, opens nationwide Friday, January 23.

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.

 

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wordbyfernie: It’s not 2025, yet: Here’s to a Patriots-Seahawks ...

#conferencechampionships #fernieruanojrwordbyfernie: It’s not 2025, yet: Here’s to a Patriots-Seahawks ...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. It’s another breezy, overcast fall afternoon in Brookline, Mass as a bubbly pack of hair stylists and photographe...

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It’s not 2025, yet: Here’s to a Patriots-Seahawks Super Bowl

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

It’s another breezy, overcast fall afternoon in Brookline, Mass. as a bubbly pack of hair stylists and photographers spill out of a black SUV and right through the front doors of a 14,000-square foot, white brick mansion where 13-year-old Vivian Lake Brady, her long blonde hair split by ponytails and thin frame hidden behind a red cheerleader’s outfit, is in the kitchen caressing a pair of pom poms while patiently waiting for a modeling shoot to commence.

Vivian’s famous Brazilian mother, who for decades graced the covers of countless catalogs and strutted down runways for the largest American lingerie retailer in the world, is away on business and her father, the man visible through the sliding doors and sporting a full gray beard and slight limp, barely flinches as he tries to keep pace with the well-fed Labrador retriever roaming the backyard.

Tom Brady, 47, his left index finger glistening with the help of a Super Bowl XLIX championship ring, is wielding a plastic football over his head.

It will arrive sooner than later – the day Tom Brady is reduced to sitting for his beautiful daughter, chasing his best friend in the backyard and watching Andrew Luck set just about every quarterback mark in the NFL Record Book, if he’s into that sort of thing a decade from now.

It’s going to happen. The day when Luck, the fire-balling dude with the bushy beard that so far, and unfortunately, has made Jim Irsey look like a football genius, owns six all-time passing records and three Super Bowl rings, is coming. Whether it’s five years from now, in 2020 or in 2026, the day when Andrew Luck owns 23 barber shops in Indianapolis, has a lifetime contract with Gillette, co-host a syndicated radio show with Lindsay Czarniak and is staring back at your son as your son spills cereal all over his polo shirt at 6:30 am on a Wednesday is coming.

But it’s 2015 and Brady still has the best beard in all of football, and you have to respect a man with beautiful facial hair, especially a man that is arguably the league’s MVP, at 37, has the services of the best tight end in the game, screams really nasty words in your face when he gets a chance even though he looks like he should be delivering your paper in the morning, goes to sleep every night laughing at Peyton Manning, has the luxury of sitting on the bench to watch an exceptionally-schemed defense make the opposing quarterback miserable while the most underrated linebackers in the game fill the middle of the field like bees around a chocolate chip cookie, is playing his next game at home and is going to his sixth Super Bowl because the Indianapolis Colts do not have anything close to resembling a running game or a linebacker capable of slowing down Rob Gronkowski. Therefore, Tom Brady is going to Glendale, Arizona to play another football game next month. New England 38, Indianapolis 27

And Bill Belichick will be consumed figuring out a plan to stop Russell Wilson from running outside of the tackles and making sure Marshawn Lynch does not permanently injure one of his defensive players by running over him since we already saw the Green Packers play at CenturyLink Field this season and now how it all turned out. But if you think a quarterback on one leg and with no running game is going to help reverse the fortunes of his respective team four months after getting beat by three touchdowns in the same venue, good luck to you..

 Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email

 

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wordbyfernie: Weekend in Miami: Swim in the bay with some hot in...

#fernieruanojr #fitness #chocolate #football #weekend #Miami wordbyfernie: Weekend in Miami: Swim in the bay with some hot in...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. A slow, leisurely weekday-morning walk on Miracle Mile in Coral Gables as you make your way up to the third floor o...

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Weekend in Miami: Swim in the bay with some hot instructor, buy and eat lots of chocolate, sneak out the backdoor on Sunday and forget about Katy Perry

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

A slow, leisurely weekday-morning walk on Miracle Mile in Coral Gables as you make your way up to the third floor of the building that employees you is a joyful and therapeutic experience, especially if you are a man and enjoy dissecting the tendencies of women waiting in line for a latte, smile at the beautiful girl sitting by herself inside the bridal shop’s front window and appreciate the smell of fresh air. And the pouty-lipped bank teller with the long red hair that ogles you every day.

It’s so calming and blissful that a brief stop inside your favorite coffee shop cannot come close to rattling the start of your day, even if you take a quick peek at the plasma screen over your head to find Matt Lauer staring back at you. But your enthusiasm for the cheesy pastry in front of your face can disappear as quickly as Kate Winslet’s bra in a movie, any movie, if you take another look and notice Lauer is interviewing Katy Perry as the pop princess officially announces she is going to be all up in your face during halftime of next month’s Super Bowl in Glendale, Arizona.

Putting your fascination for plaid skirts, pigtails, genetics and football aside, if you’re a man (again), it would be difficult for anybody to refrain from spitting a swig of hot coffee directly into the blonde hair of the girl standing in front of you, after deciding you are going to burn all the CDs you own of the hot pop tart when you get home, because this is the same woman that just three months ago was spitting in Lee Corso’s face while swearing she would never sell her soul, um, open her checkbook in order to perform for corporate cronies at the Super Bowl.

But it’s official and there’s nothing you or I can do about it besides planning to turn our backs to the plasma screen at approximately 8:30 pm on February 1 and eat two more bags of barbeque chips, 12 wings and 13 hot dogs as you watch your wife flirt with your recently-divorced neighbor in the kitchen, and Perry and friends, including what is left of Lenny Kravitz, do some funky shit to the amplifiers inside University of Phoenix Stadium.

And would you believe it, you and I are not the only ones suffering from burnt nostrils right now over our favorite female pop tart selling out quicker than the former high school frame that left you on the floor dancing by yourself last weekend after spotting her ex-husband by the bar.

Taylor Swift is so crushed over the “Dark Horse” juicer landing the GIG she’s seriously debating whether to go on a three-apple-a-day diet after putting a hit on Baz Halpin, the tour and production director helping Katy put the whole performance together, although he’s also been positioning Taylor’s spotlights for years.

But since we live in the 305 and still have a couple weeks before really going deep into Tom Brady’s arm strength, or existence according to a very articulate Ray Lewis, let’s bask in what any Miamian would bask in when the clock reads 5 pm on any given Friday: Another loaded weekend in the 305.

FRIDAY 1/16: You order a bowl of tuna with no mayo and chicken broth while your best friend sits across from you stuffing her face with a Cuban sandwich, 16 pounds of mariquitas and a Corona at 3 a.m. after a night of dancing. You know you do! And since you wake up to oatmeal and carrot juice for breakfast, your obsession with looking hot in front of the mirror in skinny jeans and an off the shoulder blouse should definitely be celebrated at Wodapalooza, a three-day extravaganza at Bayfront Park (301 Biscayne Blvd.) where you will be surrounded by thousands of your organically-fused friends – you know people that eat sushi for breakfast – buying really colorful workout gear, walking around with their chest out and/or swimming in the bay with some chiseled instructor with a fake tan. And don’t forget to pack your aviator sunglasses!! (Jan. 16-18, 8 am-8pm, $20-$30)

SATURDAY 1/17: If you know a woman, are fooling around with a woman or are happily married to a woman you don’t need anybody to remind you how much they all love chocolate. Whether you are sitting inside a dark theatre, your office or on a swing at the park one of the easiest ways to make the woman that currently pulls the strings on your heart make her want you even more is to buy her chocolate. Or any covered in chocolate. It’s not only the oldest trick in the “How to Get L---“manual but the fastest route to her beautiful hips and thighs. And she is going to love you for it. FOREVER! So if you’re hormones are barking louder than your neighbor’s dog a trip to the ‘Festival of Chocolate’ is definitely in order. In fact, it’s mandatory because your woman will be able to sample cupcakes, brownies and cakes, all smothered in you guessed it, CHOCOLATE! And that my friend could spell a happy ending for you … (The Dezer Auto Collection Museum & Event Space, 2000 NE 164^th Street, 305-354-7680, 10am-6pm, $12-$20)

SUNDAY 1/18: If you are forever and ever committed to a woman or somebody you love with all your heart maxing out your American Express at the “Festival of Chocolate’ 24 hours ago was the best decision you have ever made since you are a huge football fan and today is arguably the most important day on the calendar year for people like you that breath leather skin because starting at 3 pm right up until approximately 10 pm you will be totally consumed with the NFC and AFC Championship games and will have ZERO time for the woman you ------ last night, therefore will suggest she spend the entire day at Aventura Mall with her best friend before you head off to your favorite sports bar and do some serious damage. (BOKAMPER’S!!!!...15500 SW 29^th Court, Miramar, FL 33029, 754-400-8558)

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email

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wordbyfernie: Wake up: Whole Food Market has finally arrived in ...

#wholefoodmarket #downtownmiami #305 #Miami #fernieruanojr #food  wordbyfernie: Wake up: Whole Food Market has finally arrived in ...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. If you live or play in downtown Miami and have always fantasized about ogling really beautiful people in between ta...

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Wake up: Whole Food Market has finally arrived in downtown Miami

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

If you live or play in downtown Miami and have always fantasized about ogling really beautiful people in between taking spoonfuls of flan from Versailles to your mouth and snatching a gluten-free rotisserie chicken from underneath the heat lamp, today is your lucky day.

That’s right, hot stuff. After over a decade of lease haggling and all that other political snobbiness, a 41,000-square foot Whole Food Market has finally opened its doors at 299 SE 3^rd Street, And your soon-to-be favorite market has such a 305 vibe you might  think you’re back in Havana drinking guarapo and chomping on a ham croqueta as you examine aisle No. 3 for organic black beans.


Well, maybe not.

But the newest and freshest-smelling Whole Food Market in the 305 is so Miami you can load up on as many made-to-order churros and croquetas your little heart desires after placing your order for a freshly-squeezed carrot juice, or any juice, from Jugofresh. And if it happens to be 5 pm on a Thursday and you’re off from work the next day, you might consider stacking your cart with BEER from the Funky Budha.

And that’s if you're looking for a little buzz. But since you probably grew up in Miami and know a good thing when you see one, you will have a hard time staying away from the Versailles café  station where you can pick up creamy tres leches in plastic containers after downing a shot of expresso. Want a real Cuban sandwich, not that wannabe you’re sold when you visit Tampa? Well, just ask the short and bubbly lady behind the counter and she will gladly make it for you. Just ask nicely, please.

But this playground for adults of all shapes and sizes isn’t limited to traditional 305 chow and you will see for yourself when you tour the salad bar, where you will find over 15 soups, sandwiches, pizzas, wings and just about every item you would find at a diner, or in your fridge. And the store has a pizza oven, so you’re guaranteed some fresh slices, unlike that place where $5 isn’t really enough to get you an entire pie.

Are you so worried about a date tonight back at the pad you’re thinking about just hanging out with the beer sampler until 11 pm or when you fall flat on your face? No worries. There’s an entire section with loads of awesome cheese and wine and it’s right by the produce section, where you will find apples bigger than the surgical implants your doctor in Hialeah showed you this morning.

Seriously, the new Whole Food Market in downtown Miami is no joke. Now, all you have to do is park in the huge parking garage below the store before loading up on groceries as if shopping for them is truly a pleasure.

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he mi

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Wake up: Whole Food Market has finally arrived in downtown Miami

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

If you live or play in downtown Miami and have always fantasized about ogling really beautiful people in between taking spoonfuls of flan from Versailles to your mouth and snatching a gluten-free and plump rotisserie chicken from underneath the heat lamp, today is your lucky day.

That’s right, hot stuff. After over a decade of lease haggling and all that other political snobbiness, a 41,000-square foot Whole Food Market has finally opened its doors at 299 SE 3^rd Street, And your soon-to-be favorite market has such a 305 vibe you might think you’re in Havana drinking guarapo and chomping on a ham croqueta as you examine aisle No. 3 for organic black beans. Well, maybe not.

But the newest and best-smelling Whole Food Market in the 305 is so Miami you can load up on as many made-to-order churros and croquetas your little heart desires after placing your order for a freshly-squeezed carrot juice, or any juice, from Jugofresh. And if it happens to be 5 pm on a Thursday and you’re off from work the next day, you might consider stacking your cart with BEER from the Funky Budha.

And that’s just for starters, if getting a little buzz is your priority . But since you probably grew up in Miami and know a good thing when you see one, you’re going to have a hard time staying away from the Versailles café  station where you can pick up a creamy tres leches in a plastic container after downing a shot of expresso.


Want a real Cuban sandwich, not that wannabe they sell you in Tampa? Well, just ask the short, bubbly lady behind the counter and she will gladly make it for you. But ask nicely, please.

But this playground for adults of all shapes and sizes isn’t limited to traditional 305 chow and you will see for yourself when you tour the salad bar, where you will find over 15 soups, sandwiches, pizzas, wings and just about every item you would find at a diner, or in your fridge. And the store has a pizza oven, so you’re guaranteed some fresh slices, unlike that place where $5 isn’t really enough to get you an entire pie.

Are you so worried about a date tonight back at the pad you are thinking about just hanging out with the beer sampler until 11 pm or until  you fall flat on your face and he has to call the store manager to wipe your drunk ass off the floor?


No worries. There’s an entire section with loads of awesome cheese and wine and it’s right by the produce section, where you will find apples bigger than the surgical implants your doctor in Hialeah showed you this morning. That means you and your hot date can stay in dropping down spicy cubes of cheese and fruity wine while you try very hard not to slip your panties off your ankles as a shirtless Matthew McConaughey
smiles back at you on the plasma screen.

Seriously, the new Whole Food Market in downtown Miami is no joke. Now, all you have to do is put your wheels in motion, find a spot in the huge parking garage on the ground floor and load up on groceries as if shopping for hot peppers is truly a pleasure.


Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.

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wordbyfernie: 2015 Golden Globes: Some dude actually had the bal...

#2015 #goldenglobes #jlo #jenniferlopez #tinafey #amypoehler #fernieruano jrwordbyfernie: 2015 Golden Globes: Some dude actually had the bal...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Wouldn’t you laugh it off too if you were one of the most sexiest 45-year-old women on the planet stunning on stage...

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2015 Golden Globes: Some dude actually had the balls to point out, if not remind us, how perfect Jennifer Lopez’s breasts really are

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

Wouldn’t you laugh it off too if you were one of the sexiest women on the planet stunning on stage at the 2015 Golden Globes in a Zuhair Murad gown with a plunging neckline when a co-presenter decides it’s a good idea to go off-script to compliment, um, comment on your round and perky breasts?

That’s exactly what 45-year-old, Hollywood dynamo Jennifer Lopez did Sunday night after volunteering to open the winner’s envelope with “I have the nails.” when Jeremy Renner, on stage at the Beverly Hills Hotel with Lopez to present an award, quipped, “You have the globes, too.”

Renner’s assessment of J. Lo’s tanned cleavage drew the ire of social media cronies that went as far as calling Renner a “Best Supporting Creep” and “Boob-seeking robot”, among other things.

But can you blame the man, especially a newly-single one, for barely being able to take his eyes off of Lopez, who owned it in silver open-toed high heels and a pale couture dress which also featured a high thigh slit and small train. C’mon on: Was it really that hard to notice J. Lo? Dude is just getting a hard time for doing what most men in America would have done; And had the b ----- to tell everybody how hot Lopez looked from close quarters.


Amen!

And like the Big Mac commercial you can’t get away from but can’t get enough of, Lopez just laughed at Renner, all the while wearing the expression, and look, of a woman that belonged, just like she will in 2030 when she walks up to the stage in a revealing neckline upheld by no surgical enhancements (hopefully) to receive a lifetime achievement award on the heels of an acclaimed drama-thriller opposite Bradley Cooper as George Clooney’s 2-year-old daughter plays with her mother’s black leather gloves.

Already at mid-life and lacking a defining role that has withstood the passing of time, unless you count “Selena”, J. Lo might never reach the iconic on-the-screen status of some of Hollywood’s biggest actresses before her such as Sophia Loren, Meryl Streep and Katharine Hepburn, among countless others.


But her resume aside, Lopez just gives off the impression she will be around for a while. And continue to age well and stay classy right before our eyes…

Have Tina Fey and Amy Poehler already been booked to host the Oscars from now until one of them can’t physically make it up on stage anymore? You now, like until the end of time.


If not, what the hell is the academy waiting for? A tape of the ‘Globes’, where Fey and Poehler, hosting their third and final rendition of the drunken extravaganza/awards show, let it all hang out - Well, not really – by attacking The Interview with the gusto of a North Korean hacker, calling out Joaquin Phoenix for his um… distaste of awards shows and leaving Jessica Chastain wide-mouthed with a Bill Cosby joke.


Tina and Amy have proven they are great at keeping the stall and drawn-out awards show, which tends to send millions to bed before 11 pm, moving at a steady pace. And that’s  why they should be hosting the Oscars on a TV screen near you, soon…

After dedicating Sunday nights in the fall to “The Affair”, Showtime’s drama series centered on an unfaithful/stricken waitress and miserable novelist, and quickly being drawn in by sultry English actress Ruth Wilson, I stuck with the show through the completion of the first season in December, even though the writing and premise left a lot to be desired.


 And watching an ungrateful and rambling Wilson accept the award for “Best Actress in a TV Drama Series” it would have been justified to see somebody go up there and kick her off the stage before she had the chance to praise co-star Dominic West’s ass, of all things.

Oh, and somebody should kick Kevin Hart really hard for going low on Salma Hayek.

That shit wasn’t funny, dude….

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.

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wordbyfernie: Weekend in Miami: Fall in love to Arturo Sandoval’...

#weekendinmiami #fernieruanojr #LeBron #southpointepark #artwalk #wynwood #arturosandoval wordbyfernie: Weekend in Miami: Fall in love to Arturo Sandoval’...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Just SIX MONTHS – SIX MONTHS! – after doing us like Tony Parker did Eva Longoria it appears the best basketball p...

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wordbyfernie: Weekend in Miami: Fall in love to Arturo Sandoval’...

wordbyfernie: Weekend in Miami: Fall in love to Arturo Sandoval’...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Just SIX MONTHS – SIX MONTHS! – after doing us like Tony Parker did Eva Longoria it appears the best basketball p...

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Weekend in Miami: Fall in love to Arturo Sandoval’s trumpet, show up at the Second Saturday Art Walk in Wynwood wearing next to nothing and tan your fine …

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

Just SIX MONTHS – SIX MONTHS! – after doing us like Tony Parker did Eva Longoria it appears the best basketball player in the world can’t stay away from the 305. LeBron James (Remember him?) reportedly traveled to Miami earlier this month to take advantage of the warm weather as part of his rehab to heal back and knee strains.

That’s right. Would you believe Cleveland Cavaliers team doctors were smart enough to recommend that LeBron spend a few days in warm weather, instead of attending games to sit on the bench, especially in Cleveland where it’s 17 degrees right now and not only can your back flair up quickly if you’re sitting for a long period of time but you can fall into a deep depression after your first trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Diamond Grille?

But LeBron, who is expected to miss another week, apparently enjoys being miserable  because he showed up in Cleveland earlier this week and vowed to board the plane with the rest of his teammates for the Cavaliers’ western road trip, which begins tonight in Golden State.

Seriously, dude? LeBron makes the Gatorade, trades players he doesn’t like, designs the team’s uniforms, signs paychecks, gets away with wearing awful outfits, is loyal to his wife and even plays once in a while, and decides to go on a road trip which begins in OAKLAND with a bunch of uninspired, rich basketball players instead of staying in Miami for a few more days to um … heal his body parts and fool around in the sun; another indication that just because you can dribble a basketball doesn’t mean you're capable of making really smart decisions..

1/9 FRIDAY: Have you ever fallen in love in a dimly-lit theatre to the point that the soothing and powerful sound of the trumpet filling the air have made you feel as if you’re already on an island enjoying your honeymoon with your potential-spouse? Well, you might walk out of the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts (1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami, FL, http://www.arshtcenter.org/, 305-949-6722) wanting to skip bedtime and go straight to the bridal shop after an intimate evening courtesy of Cuban jazz trumpeter Arturo Sandoval. Sandoval, a 10-time Grammy Award winner, has been composing music for over five decades and still creates a technically flawless and blistering sound. He is versatile too, transitioning smoothly from both classical and traditional jazz with little effort while always pleasing the crowd. His 2012 Dear Diz: Every day I think of You, a tribute to Dizzy Gillespie, is a beautiful nod to a mentor and friend and reaffirms Sandoval’s range and unorthodox style. And he’s bringing some friends with him tonight, including Willy Chirino and Amaury Gutierrez, so don’t leave abuelita home by herself..

1/10 SATURDAY:  Unlike LeBron you still live in Miami and can brag all you want about being able to wear tees with no bra (if you’re a woman, of course) and flip flops in the middle of January, whether you’re dropping off the kid at soccer practice or hosing down your BMW at 3 pm on a Saturday because you know your recently-divorced and hot neighbor is home from work. You can also wear whatever the hell you feel like wearing to the Second Saturday Art Walk (North Miami Avenue & NW 23^rdSt., Miami, FL) in Wynwood where you will delight in an array of colorful art galleries, eclectic souls and no frill attitudes in between grabbing some awesome chow from one of the surrounding eateries. So, get a pedicure and wear flip flops. Walk starts at 7 pm.

1/11 SUNDAY: As of right now the weather forecast calls for 81 and a 40 percent chance of rain in the evening. That means you have all day to bask and tan underneath the Miami sun in the red string bikini your boyfriend left in a gift bag on your doorstep at 10 pm Christmas Eve before deciding he wasn’t going to answer any more of your calls. Whatever… get over that loser. Pack your nylon Old Navy bag, gather up like $15 in coins and point your Beemer towards South Beach, where you can have a whole day to yourself while working up a really hot tan, get drunk on slushy drinks and meet Husband No. 3. Ok, maybe not.. South Pointe Park (1 Washington Avenue, 305-673-7006)

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.

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wordbyfernie: C’mon ladies: You know you love milkshakes, also k...

wordbyfernie: C’mon ladies: You know you love milkshakes, also k...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Raise your hands, ladies ….. It’s a new year and you live in Miami, so the juice maker, two-dozen carrots and ...

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C’mon ladies: You know you love milkshakes, also known as batidos in the 305

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

Raise your hands, ladies …..

It’s a new year and you live in Miami, so the juice maker, two-dozen carrots and Bowflex Max Trainer M5 you purchased on Christmas Eve are respectively rotting in different sections of your house, all of which you walked through this morning in your leather boots before closing the front door, and throwing away the three, empty half-points of vanilla ice cream and dry bones from the fried chicken you ate last night.

You have already been to Dunkin Donuts six times since New Year’s Day.

But you’re from the 305and sprinkled in Latina, so you actually eat three meals a day and wear size 6 jeans, even though you’re really a size 8, and swear on tight blouses because you didn’t pay some dude that is sipping margaritas in Cancun, Mexico right now $4000 to hide what he blessed you with last summer.

And even though they’re loaded with sugar and milk, you love drinking milkshakes because they do miracles for your hips and thighs, and let’s face it: men in Miami love a woman with ample hips and thighs.

 And it doesn’t matter that it’s 25 and raining in Buffalo, NY., which is where your best friend wakes up every day to drive to work after wrapping her two daughters in scarfs and jackets, since the only reason you look as if it’s going to snow in Miami tonight is because you have to make good use of those black leather boots your boyfriend gave you for Christmas since its 75 and sunny in the 305 and you can tan on most days in the winter, not to mention drink a thick and sugary batido  to stay cool and sexy…

El Palacio de lo Jugos: (Flagler Street, 57^th Avenue, 305-264-8662) You’re pumped and feeling hot, not to mention sexy, because you just competed your first 5K without stopping or your boyfriend screaming at you, and in the mood to cool down with a fruit milkshake that oozes sensuality and is so Miami… Do it with a thick and milky batido de mamey and grab some really greasy and awesome Cuban food before you shove a 67-year-old guajiro on your way out of this most generous of palaces.

Los Pinarenos Fruteria: If you’re a dude and have a hot girlfriend make sure she doesn’t have an attitude and sweat High Maintenance perfume because there’s nothing fancy about this small-Calle Ocho fruit market. Just walk up to the counter and order a milkshake (PAPAYA!!) from the old man wearing the straw hat and watch as a smile as wide as what is in your girlfriend’s white yoga pants will take over her face. (1334 SW 8^th Street, 305-285-1135):

Walls Old Fashioned Ice Cream: You can’t possibly consider yourself a Miamian if you haven’t pulled into the dark and rocky parking lot of this iconic ice cream spot on a Friday night, especially before or after a UM baseball game, and ordered a strawberry milkshake, or any milkshake for that matter. The staff is friendly and you will feel welcomed because there’s a family-oriented vibe to WOFIC. Oh, and the pizza across the street isn’t too shabby...(8075 SW 67^th Avenue, 305-740-9830)

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.

 

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wordbyfernie: You know you can’t get enough of your high school ...

#highschoolyearbook #1989 #1988 #LeBron #Miami #2016 wordbyfernie: You know you can’t get enough of your high school ...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Come clean: Whether you play with yourself all day or lay concrete for a living, there’s a part of you that finds...

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You know you can’t get enough of your high school yearbooks …. And LeBron

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

Come clean: Whether you play with yourself all day or lay concrete for a living, there’s a part of you that finds it interesting, or mandatory in the case of many women, to occasionally flip through your high school yearbooks to see what some of your former schoolmates looked like 26 years ago before logging into your Facebook account, in place of having dinner, to see what the girl who would show up wearing 11 pounds of mousse in her blown out hair or the dickhead of a baseball player sponsored by a snobby batgirl are up to in 2015.

And by the time you finish flipping through your yearbooks for the 563^rd time in the past six months you’re either really excited about the possibility of having the now-45-year-old short, hot blonde message you back on Facebook or in a deep depression because you just saw a family picture confirming the football player you were so hard after in 1989 is now married, has four kids, weighs 289 pounds and collects motorcycles.


But it should not matter that your high school man crush likes Krispy Kreme more than his wife and the rough-around-the-edges female elementary teacher you were trying to reel in over the summer is “married” to a doctor because it's kind of creepy on your part to be looking for a hook up on Facebook, anyway.

Oh, well. Who cares, right? It’s always so interesting, never mind a lot of fun, to take a look and compare faces, hair, body shapes, body parts and names, especially if you’re really into social media and can’t believe a self-proclaimed stoner well into his 20s and now a single father is currently tossing around perhaps the hottest 44-year-old woman in your graduation class and that plastic surgery has uplifted, among other things, a good portion of the women you roamed the halls of Miami Southwest Senior High School with in 1989.


Unofficially, I think six of the 16 women in my shorthand class in 1989, including one I see in downtown Miami on a regular basis, have undergone some type of surgical procedure, all of the cosmetic variety.


But it’s so much fun to snoop around on them, since all of them snoop around on you as well. C’mon let’s be honest: What are high school yearbooks good for anyway, if not catching up or making fun of “old friends”?

That’s why it’s hard to look at Patty Alvarez, all of her sparkling white teeth, streaky hair and enhancements on full display for everybody to see and depressed 45-year-old men and former classmates to make really stupid comments on, and not picture her playing Sofia Vergara in a 2035 biopic for The Lifetime Channel.  

How about the aforementioned elementary teacher who leads a church, is relatively smart and makes pretend doctors are chasing her on her spare time, although she’s married to one? She wears the look of a tired mom and wife just waiting, waiting, for the perfect opportunity to start fooling around.


There’s the part-time writer with the bag of kids who looks more and more feminine with the passing of time. Oh, and supposedly she used to bake cakes, too. And I know because I bought one several years ago.  And fortunately, she didn’t lace it with poison.

Wait, wait.. I am sorry to inform you my loyal readers that I have to step away from my high school yearbook dissection because one of my sports predictions for 2016 has already become a reality …..

SIX DAYS.

It took just SIX days into 2015 for LeBron James, with the full blessing of whatever portion of the Cleveland Cavaliers organization LeKing doesn’t control, of course, to start shuffling around sofas inside an uninspiring house and add some color to the walls by acquiring Iman Shumpert and J.R. SMITH – J. R. SMITH!! – from the New York Knicks, therefore erasing one of my sports predictions for the new year quickly off the dry board and allowing the best basketball player on the planet to not only start getting his feet wet as the new Cavaliers General Manager but set the wheels in motion for the firing of coach David Blatt.

Ironically, General Manager LeBron’s first move comes just days after the Cavaliers announced that on-the-court LeBron would be taking a two-week break to recover from back and knee soreness. But unfortunately for LeCrown haters, especially sophomoric sports radio morning co-host in Miami, who spend most of the their time on the air saying really childish things about LeKing and Cleveland, whenever they’re not laughing really loud into the microphones or pretending to know anything about sports because the only thing hot about their favorite team, the Miami Heat, right now is the blonde girl who sits over Eric Spoelstra’s right shoulder at home games, and Hassan Whiteside, the Cavaliers and J.R. Smith will definitely make the 2015 NBA Playoffs while the Heat will … sneak in as an eighth-seed, behind Brooklyn and Milwaukee.

Think about that for a second: A guy who swears on spilled soda and was playing just two years is going to lead the Bucks to the playoffs. The Heat? We still have another four years of Chris Bosh chugging three-pointers from just about anywhere on the court and Dwyane Wade’s really pudgy face - for now.

But honestly: It’s not the equivalent of your three-day old goldfish dying in front of your face if you’re a professional basketball fan in Miami. You still have the beach, loads of beautiful women walking around as if wearing clothes was illegal, Bernie and Pat Riley. So, check back in 2016 when the Heat will attack free agency with the vigor of a full-court press.

 Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.

 

 

 

 

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Competition among women: Is it just a lack of confidence?

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

If you live or spend a good chunk of your time in Miami, you’ve probably snorted … mum inhaled a good doze of it at your favorite coffee shop while waiting for your morning latte, walking around in circles at the deli section, where shopping is a test of your patience, especially after a long day at work, and sitting under an umbrella of a sidewalk café on a steamy Saturday afternoon as barely-there string bikinis after string bikinis stroll on by: competition among women.

Women, especially in the 305, where fake tits and uncertified doctors rule, have a reputation for being spiteful and competitive with other women, unlike men, who for the most part, don’t behave like elementary kids around other men. And it’s pretty perplexing when you think women are actually less competitive than men in the world and in most cases, not very comfortable being competitive at all.

But it’s not too difficult to piece the parts together on why the two genders are worlds apart when it’s time to compete. Strong competition and utter confidence are encouraged in boys but often frowned upon as undesirable traits in girls.

Teamwork and friendship are the glue that hardens the bond between men in competition. Therefore and not surprising, men, for the most part, are comfortable with competing and view winning as a key element of the game, and rarely feel sorry for those on the losing end of the spectrum, whether it’s at C.B Smith on Sunday mornings or in their best friend’s bedroom with his wife.

Since women are taught early on that they are not supposed to be competitive and win at all costs, even if it means misery for another human being, their competitive drive is rarely shared openly, instead becoming a feeling of envy and desire for others to fall flat on her face – literally and figuratively. So what appears as healthy competition among women is in reality a mixture of insecurity, fear of success and healthy aggression.


And I am writing from experience because I have felt both sides of the pillow in recent years, and continue to do so.

From late-2004 to mid-2007, I had a serious relationship with a caring and tender then-23-year-old women who taught me how to share, love, care, laugh, respect and give a bit more, while I instilled confidence, confidence and more confidence in her because she had none, whether she was at the park jogging, at the theatre – in the dark mind you – watching a movie and inside a Victoria Secret’s dressing room, with me, trying on the latest thong and a few other things.

 As if the stamp you were about to place on the corner of the envelope wasn’t wet enough, she always needed approval; that final stamp of approval. She had always been cuddled at home and was by all accounts experiencing the light of day for the first time. And I enjoyed it because not only did it provide me with a sense of responsibility but a feeling of accomplishment; kind of like planting a seed and watching the plant grow to unimaginable heights.

Now, fast forward to November 2008 when I struck up a fast and friendly relationship, for the time being, with a Cuban-born, 23-year-old woman short on material but long on confidence and life, and one uprooted by political reasons to the point her father walked out of her life when she was 12 and she’s been working in some capacity since the age of 14.

She looked out for the house and for her mom and grandmother, while never losing hope that someday she would have a better life. Today, she is 29, a college graduate, drives a 2015 sports car, stills cooks a mean chicken steak and black beans, and is mature beyond her years. And doesn’t envy a soul because all she has to do is stand in front of the mirror naked and smile. And she does it on a regular basis.

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.

 

 

 

 

 

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wordbyfernie: Getting your feet wet … in Miami: Top-5 must-dos i...

#newinmiami #thingstodo #wordbyfernie: Getting your feet wet … in Miami: Top-5 must-dos i...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. 2015 is almost a week old, therefore you probably have already skipped out on the gym, twice, ignored the chummy ...

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Getting your feet wet … in Miami: Top-5 must-dos in the 305 for a new Miamian

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

2015 is almost a week old, therefore you probably have already skipped out on the gym, twice, ignored the chummy lady who always waves when she walks by on your morning run, have yet to speak to your father, although he lives in the same city you do and you “love” your stepmother, failed to open the new Bible on your nightstand after begging your best friend to “please, please!” buy you one and downed two bottles of really expensive wine and Grey Goose with the help of some friends on New Year’s Day after swearing at 11:58 pm the night before you would never have another alcoholic beverage in your life.

Nice going there, buddy. At this rate, you will weigh 235 pounds by Valentine’s Day or be divorced after finding your wife in bed with your boss, go another 10 months without speaking to YOUR FATHER, have no clue what to do the next time you open the front doors of a church, be ignored or get really weird looks at the next family gathering and be in rehab before the Super Bowl. And luckily will have no time to sit in front of your plasma and stomach a useless array of ads begging you to get your fat ass in shape, followed by Joe Montana stuffing his face with “free pizza” in front of Peyton Manning and the Papa John’s dude.

But be real: You recently moved to Miami from San Diego in an effort to get as far away as possible from your crazy ex-wife and whip yourself back into beach shape, among other things, like getting ------ 12 times a week and eating really greasy food while trying to learn a few words in Spanish with the help of a flirtatious waitress on Calle Ocho,  so you’re as loose as a distance runner and ready to start the new year in the best city in the world; And with no worries, so here are the Top-5 must-dos for a new Miamian, especially if you’re single, hungry, adventurous, into running, hoping to run into Beyonce on the beach, naked, on a tight budget, a sports freak and like to flirt.

EAT CUBAN FOOD: You have been awesome with your new diet of carrot juice and adult content magazines for almost five days now. But unplug the blender, after watching your hands of course, and take a trip to El Palacios de los Jugos (Flagler Street & 57^TH Avenue, Miami, FL., 305-264-8662), the palace of all Cuban food palaces, and one overflowing with food sections, all stacked to the brim with white rice, yucca, pork, seafood, sandwiches and fruit juices of all kinds. And if you really want to make it an experience to remember snap your fingers at one of the ladies behind the buzzy counter and tell her to bag you some chicarrones, the best in the 305. This endless parade of in-your-face Cuban food will have you begging for a bowl of oatmeal in the morning. Well, maybe…

GO TO A BASKETBALL GAME… IN THE GABLES: Yeah, I know. The obvious choice would be a trip downtown to see our favorite professional basketball team, the Miami Heat, or what’s left of it. But honestly: Dwyane Wade’s face keeps getting pudgier by the second, Chris Bosh shoots way too many three-pointers and the defending Eastern Conference champions are giving meaningful minutes to Hassan Whiteside while internally praying Shabazz Napier gets his shit together down in the D-League; And quick. Translation: Check back with the Heat in October. Besides, you don’t want to pay $400 for a lower level seat to watch the Heat get smoked by the Bulls and have a 53-year-old with lips like a yellow snapper flirting with you in front of Dan Le Batard’s mom. Instead, take a drive to Coral Gables and invest, at least for the evening, on the Hurricanes men’s basketball team. There’s a good chances the Canes will reward you with a win. And you might get really lucky… (http://www.hurricanesports.com/SportSelect.dbml?SPID=103777)

RUN ONTHE MIAMI BEACH BOARDWALK: You have to start at some point! You can’t possibly live in Miami and have boobs growing out of your belly button. And there’s no better place to get you off … and running. There’s a perfect view of the ocean and you will be surrounded by beautiful tourists and locals, all flirting with each other, if not trying really hard to pretend they like each other. But you have approximately over 2 miles to run away and stack your shit in order, if you can just look ahead and ignore all the sexy women around you. Try it! (Collins Ave., Between 21^st and 46^th)

GO TO THE BEACH: You’re still working on the loose change around your belly and don’t have the balls to go shirtless on the beach, just yet. No worries, dude! Drive to South Pointe Park ((1 Washington Ave., Miami Beach, FL 33109, 305-673-7730), the southern tip of South Beach where you can strip naked (alright, maybe not) and relax while being surrounded by ships, strollers, dogs, lunch groupies and locals. It’s a bit stuffy but it also provides enough privacy you just might take off your T-shirt and bask in your first tan under the Miami sunshine.

SHOP …. AT AVENTURA MALL: You’re officially a Miamian by now, so you have the legal right to lift our economy, if not meet some hot single mom, by buying loads of awesome stuff at Aventura Mall (19501 Biscayne Boulevard. Aventura, FL., 305-935-1130). From Burberry to Victoria’s Secret, there are enough luxury brand stores to make women of all shapes and sizes really excited. So, if you recently met a friend and want to make a move…

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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