Competition among women: Is it just a lack of confidence?

By Fernie Ruano Jr.

If you live or spend a good chunk of your time in Miami, you’ve probably snorted … mum inhaled a good doze of it at your favorite coffee shop while waiting for your morning latte, walking around in circles at the deli section, where shopping is a test of your patience, especially after a long day at work, and sitting under an umbrella of a sidewalk café on a steamy Saturday afternoon as barely-there string bikinis after string bikinis stroll on by: competition among women.

Women, especially in the 305, where fake tits and uncertified doctors rule, have a reputation for being spiteful and competitive with other women, unlike men, who for the most part, don’t behave like elementary kids around other men. And it’s pretty perplexing when you think women are actually less competitive than men in the world and in most cases, not very comfortable being competitive at all.

But it’s not too difficult to piece the parts together on why the two genders are worlds apart when it’s time to compete. Strong competition and utter confidence are encouraged in boys but often frowned upon as undesirable traits in girls.

Teamwork and friendship are the glue that hardens the bond between men in competition. Therefore and not surprising, men, for the most part, are comfortable with competing and view winning as a key element of the game, and rarely feel sorry for those on the losing end of the spectrum, whether it’s at C.B Smith on Sunday mornings or in their best friend’s bedroom with his wife.

Since women are taught early on that they are not supposed to be competitive and win at all costs, even if it means misery for another human being, their competitive drive is rarely shared openly, instead becoming a feeling of envy and desire for others to fall flat on her face – literally and figuratively. So what appears as healthy competition among women is in reality a mixture of insecurity, fear of success and healthy aggression.


And I am writing from experience because I have felt both sides of the pillow in recent years, and continue to do so.

From late-2004 to mid-2007, I had a serious relationship with a caring and tender then-23-year-old women who taught me how to share, love, care, laugh, respect and give a bit more, while I instilled confidence, confidence and more confidence in her because she had none, whether she was at the park jogging, at the theatre – in the dark mind you – watching a movie and inside a Victoria Secret’s dressing room, with me, trying on the latest thong and a few other things.

 As if the stamp you were about to place on the corner of the envelope wasn’t wet enough, she always needed approval; that final stamp of approval. She had always been cuddled at home and was by all accounts experiencing the light of day for the first time. And I enjoyed it because not only did it provide me with a sense of responsibility but a feeling of accomplishment; kind of like planting a seed and watching the plant grow to unimaginable heights.

Now, fast forward to November 2008 when I struck up a fast and friendly relationship, for the time being, with a Cuban-born, 23-year-old woman short on material but long on confidence and life, and one uprooted by political reasons to the point her father walked out of her life when she was 12 and she’s been working in some capacity since the age of 14.

She looked out for the house and for her mom and grandmother, while never losing hope that someday she would have a better life. Today, she is 29, a college graduate, drives a 2015 sports car, stills cooks a mean chicken steak and black beans, and is mature beyond her years. And doesn’t envy a soul because all she has to do is stand in front of the mirror naked and smile. And she does it on a regular basis.

Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.