#nochebuena #Christmas #family #mother #weekend #Miami wordbyfernie: WEEKEND IN MIAMI: Get your culture on at Viernes ...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. It’s almost Noche Buena, a night Cubans take very seriously because it signifies Christmas Day is around the corner...
Wednesday, 24 December 2014
WEEKEND IN MIAMI: Get your culture on at Viernes Culturales, shake your buns to Gente de Zona and bounce up and down with the Dolphins
Posted on 11:22 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
It’s almost Noche Buena, a night Cubans take very seriously because it signifies Christmas Day is around the corner and the year is almost over. It’s also a time of joy, cheer, music, lechon, whiskey and rowdy and very happy kids. It’s a time of reflection and sharing with family.
That’s why today I am thinking about the vivid memories created as a kid while celebrating countless Noche Buenas with family and friends in Miami. My quiet, yet joyous, grandfather, with an apron around his neck, digging into the roast pork with a knife; my father standing right beside him, a piece of crackled skin in his hand. My mother, ever the perfect host, always running around, making sure everybody had what they needed. The music, El Gran Combo most of the time, Celia Cruz sometimes, blaring loudly into the Miami air. My cousins, all grown men and women now, creating havoc in the backyard. My uncle working on his Cuban cigar; Another uncle working on the cooler and toasting with anybody willing to toast. My sister and my friends; The vibe and buzz a mid-size family could create, in a matter of minutes. The eggnog and dominos, the football game on the television screen.
Today is a new day and personally it’s been an up and down year, one highlighted by transformation and personal loss, loved ones no longer with us. So many times we hurt for a minute and in most cases days, but eventually we move on; it’s part of life.
But I would be lying if I didn’t express my feelings today and write how much I’m thinking about my grandfather, grandmother, cousin, uncle and so many other loved ones our family has lost through the years. I am also consumed with thoughts of my mother, who has gone to lengths I don’t believe any other mother has; Ever.
Happy Holidays!
FRIDAY 12/26: It’s perfectly understandable if you’re still a little groggy and dehydrated, especially after drinking all the Heinekens in your brother-in-law’s cooler underneath the tiki bar counter and having to wake up at 6 am because the little guy couldn’t wait another second to start opening gifts. But you’re CUBAN so a cold shower and a microwaved plate of lechon should be enough to get you back on your feet and in the mood for Viernes Culturales/Little Havana Art Walk , the last Friday of the month Calle Ocho- spectacle filled with so much art, artifacts, food and music you might forget you left your 6-year-old son riding his new bike at Jose Marti Park. (Free, 7 p.m., between SW 12th and 17thAvenue on Calle Ocho)
SATURDAY 12/27: Come on, it’s alright. You know at some point over the past six months you’ve stood in front of your mirror half-naked slowly moving your hips and swaying your shoulders to the infectious beat of “Bailando”, the rheumatic and sensual Spanish-language hit Enrique Iglesias and Gente de Zona blessed your fine ass with earlier this year. And you love the song so much you play it on a loop whether you’re in the car, in the shower or in bed with Maria Elvira Salazar - 0n the tube. And you wiggle your hips and play with your long red hair in front of the mirror on Saturday mornings, in between mopping the floor and keeping an eye on the washing machine, as one of ‘Zona’s bouncy reggaeton songs plays in the background. Well, suerta el mopa and start digging for your skinny jeans and white blouse (bra is optional) because Cuba’s best imports since the cigars your uncle brought back over the summer are going to make sure you shake your booty as if it was trapped in a blender with a stack of mamey. (8 p.m., $55-150, Hard Rock Live, 1 Seminole Way, Hollywood, FL, www.hardrocklivehollywoodfl.com)
SUNDAY 12/28: This game means as much as the one your 45-year-old boyfriend is playing in this morning at Tropical Park, since your 45-year-old boyfriend still thinks he’s the best quarterback on his team even though you’re going to have to help him get out of bed tomorrow morning. But babe, don’t even bother with your boyfriend, who is probably screaming at some poor 20-year-old kid who was picked last and is thinking about his hot girlfriend, not some stupid football game, and just put on your tight-orange tee and white short shorts before calling your best friend and telling her you have two tickets to the Jets-Dolphins game at Sun Life Stadium (347 Don Shula Drive, Miami Gardens, FL 33056, www.sunlifestadium.com), where a bunch of horny football players, some dressed in white and aqua, some dressed in green, will be waiting to entertain you while trying their best to keep their minds on a meaningless football game. Have fun. But don’t flirt!
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email
My Top-10 blogs of 2014
Tuesday, 23 December 2014
wordbyfernie: Pastelitos: My Top-5 bakeries in Miami to find a C...
Posted on 12:41 by RAJA BABU
wordbyfernie: Pastelitos: My Top-5 bakeries in Miami to find a C...: By Fernie Ruano Jr If you live in Miami, you can eat a pastelito – or 17 – at any time of the day, whether it’s 6:15 a.m. and you’re do...
wordbyfernie: 2014: Top 5 Latin albums according to wordbyfernie...
Posted on 11:27 by RAJA BABU
#2014 #latinalbums #top5 #wordbyfernie #fernie wordbyfernie: 2014: Top 5 Latin albums according to wordbyfernie...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Romeo Santos’ grip on the charts, Carlos Vives’ revival, Marc Anthony’s touring (again), Enrique Iglesias teaming w...
2014: Top 5 Latin albums according to wordbyfernie
Posted on 11:22 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
Romeo Santos’ grip on the charts, Carlos Vives’ revival, Marc Anthony’s touring (again), Enrique Iglesias teaming with Gente de Zona to record “Bailando”, a mainstream hit and arguably the most popular Spanish-language song in years, and the continued growth of streaming in Latin America elevated the Latin music industry to new heights in 2014 – a year that also warmed the hearts of Latin music fans everywhere with albums they will be talking about, if not dancing too, for decades.
Here now are my Top 5 Latin albums of the year.
Juan Luis Guerra (‘Todo Tiene Su Hora’): Guerra, for decades Latin music’s “Thinking Man” for his social conscious, pop culture-lathered lyrics, will undoubtedly have you falling in love, if he hasn’t already, with a bevy of ballads and bachata-fused salsa. And as usual, Guerra’s experimentation with the arrangements make for a fresh listen; an upbeat one, too.
Carlos Vives (‘Mas+ Corazon Profundo’): It’s along the same lines of 2013’s “Corazon Profundo”, Vives’ first studio album in eight years. But the album was so beautifully done, from the exquisite lyrics to the blistering arrangements it deserves plenty of love.
Romeo Santos (‘Formula, Vol. 2’): You must have a commercial that has forever been stuck in your conscious? That’s what Santos’ albums are littered with: easy-listening and sensual lyrics that are hard to erase from the soul, even if you don’t dig bachata. “Propuesta Indecente” is to die for, especially if you’ve been a little naughty this time of year.
Ricardo Arjona (‘Viaje’): Arjona doesn’t just croon about falling in love with an imperfect woman; he takes you on a lyrical adventure to do so. And his most recent album is another example, including in the title track where he describes her curves as the “Himalaya” and breasts as the “Karakorum”.
Pepe Aguilar (‘MTV Unplugged’): For years in the shadows of contemporary and fellow ranchera star Alejandro Fernandez, Aguilar, although popular all over Latin America, scores with a live recording that gives his most loyal fans a true understanding of his vocal prowess and versatility.
Don’t agree with my selections? Have some of your own favorite albums? You can contact me at wordbyfernie@gmail.com.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
What, a wild brawl in the inaugural Miami Beach Bowl? Here are my Top-5 sports fights of all-time
Posted on 09:26 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
How does a meaningless college football bowl game between BYU-Memphis in the middle of a Monday afternoon in a near-empty baseball stadium in Miami (Little Havana) end up leading off ESPN’s 6 p.m. Sports Center and find its way into your local and national news broadcast?
By ending in a wild brawl which included dozens of staffers and players from both sidelines coming together at the middle of the field, most of them shoving and punching.
The melee, which erupted shortly after Memphis defensive back DaShaughn Terry intercepted a pass from BYU quarterback Christian Stewart in the second OT, sealing a 55-48 Tigers win in the inaugural Miami Beach Bowl, included bloodied- BYU defensive back Kai Nacua taking a wild swing at Memphis tight end Alan Cross, who TV cameras showed was being held back by a Tigers staffer.
But the fisticuffs at Marlins Park fell a few uppercuts short of going down as a memorable brawl on any given Saturday night inside a club in South Beach, never mind as one of the top sports fights of all-time.
THE MALICE AT THE PALACE (2004): A five-minute brawl, which ended up in the stands at The Palace in Auburn Hills, Michigan, started when Detroit Pistons center Ben Wallace shoved Indiana Pacers forward Ron Artest after a foul, leading to nine-player suspensions totaling 140 games, including Artest for the rest of the season and nine people being treated for injuries. Benches cleared. Artest and teammate Stephen Jackson went into the stands to fight with fans. And the NBA witnessed one of the darkest nights in its history. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO1ejvao9GU
FIU-UM BRAWL AT THE OB (2006): The crosstown schools engaged in a bench-clearing brawl in the third quarter, started when FIU safety Chris Smith wrestled Miami holder Matt Perelli to the ground after a point-after-attempt and appeared to have kicked him in the chin. FIU defensive back Marshall McDuffie Jr. followed with a kick to Perelli’s head and a wild fight ensued with players being separated by Florida Highway Patrol State Troopers and FIU Police. The next day, a combined 31 players were suspended. UM coach Larry Coker was fired at the end of the season, while FIU coach Don Strock resigned. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6GD_GUjAj0ATLANTA BRAVES-SAN DIEGO PADRES (1984): The game was wild from start to finish. The benches cleared four times and 13 players were ejected, along with both managers. Braves starter Pascual Perez beaned Padres leadoff hitter Alan Wiggins to lead off the first inning. Even several fans joined the fracas, with police intervening halfway through the game. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIlywwDcEQ8
BOB PROBERT VS. CRAIG COVE (1987): These two heavyweights and hockey goons just kept going and going.. Probert ended close to 40 seconds of fisticuffs with repeated right hands to Cove’s face. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFAReX5k9cA
KERMIT WASHINGTON VS. RUDY TOMJANOVICH (LAKERS-ROCKETS) IN 1977: A fight broke out on the basketball court at The Forum in Inglewood, Calif. Tomjanovich rushed to the aid of teammate Kevin Kunnert, who had tussled with Kareem Abdul Jabber, then with Washington. Washington punched Tomajanovich and changed both of their lives forever. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgqUZ1IAA_8
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
Monday, 22 December 2014
wordbyfernie: Yo quiero una Frita: My Top-5 spots for a Cuban ha...
Posted on 12:39 by RAJA BABU
#Cuban #fritas #cubanhamburger #305 wordbyfernie: Yo quiero una Frita: My Top-5 spots for a Cuban ha...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Where you blessed with a Cuban mother that would drive around with two kids in her backseat on a Saturday aftern...
2014? 2015? Miamians have their priorities in order, no matter what year it is. Now, go work on that Christmas shopping list!
Posted on 11:30 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
2014 in the 305 has come and gone with the quickness of a chatty, olive green-clad, Versailles waitress putting in motion your order of a pastelito de queso and café con leche from behind the bakery counter at 8:30 am on any given Saturday. Because let’s be honest: some things never change in Miami.
While some really fat and pasty couple in Cleveland, Ohio, both wearing ear muffs and leather jackets because its 35 and lightly snowing and there’s not much to do outside, unless you’re into miserable weather, is turning and twisting under the covers since they’re still celebrating the return home of their favorite basketball player ever, although their favorite basketball player ever is spending Christmas Day with us, we here in the 305 continue to set records – you know get ourselves plastered all over the ‘Guinness World Record Book’ – at an alarming pace. And we’re damn proud of it.
Alright, maybe nobody is keeping score. But since I just hired two bodyguards and know a hottie that works for the FBI, it’s safe to say 2014 will end with our beautiful city still holding the record for Medicare fraud, real estate scams, shady politicians, fake blondes, fake blondes with blunt bangs, fake boobs, uncertified plastic surgeons, uncertified doctors, fake Ray Bans, housewives, unemployed women, single parents, single moms, BMWs, kids that stay in day care until 6:30 p.m. every day, women in your high school yearbook that you would love to ----. unemployed women pretending to be short on time or studying to be a nurse although they’re 42 and separated, high rise condos, empty high rise condos, $$$ kickbacks, horny teachers, teachers that have sex with their students, shady music promoters, starved musicians, .500 football teams or really mediocre football teams, expect at the high school level, cocaine documentaries, string bikinis and people tanning on the beach at 2 p.m. on a Wednesday.
But somewhere in our collective hearts, collective and corruptive hearts, we Miamians have our priorities in order. That’s right, bitch! That’s why David Beckham is still looking for land to bless us with a PROFESSIONAL NORTH AMERICAN SOCCER TEAM, the port tunnel and Perez Art Museum are now open for business, Ultra Music Fest is coming back, Art Basel is alive and well, Dwyane Wade plays once a week, Al Golden is still employed in Coral Gables, Carlos Gimenez rarely leaves his office and Joe Philbin will coach the Miami Dolphins in 2015. Now, get your ass on a plane and come throw $$$$ all over the 305. Just don’t mess with our shades, suntan lotion, bikinis and beach jams. Got it? Viva, Miami!!!!!!!
And it doesn’t matter if you’re a tourist or 305 lifer and still haven’t started on your Christmas list, especially in the age of the Internet, because you still have plenty of time to score yourself, or your mom and sister, among others, some stylish gifts and therefore won’t have to worry about faking a stomach virus at approximately 11:55 p.m. on Christmas Eve.
Men’s Grooming Set: We all have one in the family: a guy that takes way too much time in front of the mirror getting ready. You know: His nails have to be clipped as if he’s headed to a fashion runway and every nose hair has to be out of sight. BOOM! http://www.target.com/p/men-s-grooming-set/-/A
Tea Set: You hardly ever envision your aunt – you know one you haven’t seen in two years- to show up for a little lechon and whiskey at the same time that you’re gathering up all the kids and Jose Feliciano is singing really, really loud in your living room. BOOM! https://pearlriver.com/v3/product.asp?iPic=6904&iC=177
Marvel’s Wonder Man Action Figure: If you’re hosting a Christmas Eve dinner, let’s be real: there’s a good chance you’re going to have a few kids spilling soda on your couch, if not setting your son’s PS4 on fire. No worries! Just settle his ass down with some weird-looking action figure that will keep him busy until his mom decides it’s time to leave. http://www.walmart.com/ip/37079557?
wmlspartner=wlpa&adid=22222222227028370993&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=47976771272&wl4=&wl5=pla&wl6=95956938272&veh=sem
wmlspartner=wlpa&adid=22222222227028370993&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=47976771272&wl4=&wl5=pla&wl6=95956938272&veh=sem
Charlie’s Angels Women’s T-shirt: You’re sitting at the tiki bar outside, but can barely hold the whiskey in your stomach or the excitement in your pants, because you just looked over your shoulder and saw your sister talking to your ex-girlfriend by the pool. Well, no need to start sweating and stuff, especially if you came prepared. Think about it: She walks away with a new, tight t-shirt and you walk away with the hope of seeing her in the new, tight t-shirt you just gave her. http://www.sonsofgotham.com/charlie-s-angels-retro-group-t-shirts.html?136=3&137=19&gclid=CJ2-6ses2sICFZPm7Aodul4A8Q
Retro Sports T-shirts: There’s always a sports nerd lying around. You know, the guy that is going to interrupt you while you have your mouth full with lechon and yucca to ask you if you think the Dolphins are going to make the playoffs even though the Dolphins have already been eliminated from playoff contention. Well, there’s only one to way to solve that problem… http://www.one10threads.com/
Tags: 305, Miami, 2014, year, Christmas, fake, shopping, t-shirts, sports, women, Miami Dolphins, kids, moms, teachers, kids, students
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email
Friday, 19 December 2014
wordbyfernie: 2014: Kim K’s oily …, too much Ariana Grande (gasp...
Posted on 12:23 by RAJA BABU
#2014 #fernieruanojr. #kimk #arianagrande #Miami wordbyfernie: 2014: Kim K’s oily …, too much Ariana Grande (gasp...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Can you believe the year that blessed us, or sent us to the psych ward (depending on who you ask), with Kim Karda...
2014: Kim K’s oily …, too much Ariana Grande (gasp!), Bradley Cooper, Matthew McConaughey, Google glasses, way too much Ray Rice and Roger Goodell and fake boobs, especially if you live in Miami ….
Posted on 12:19 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
Can you believe the year that blessed us, or sent us to the psych ward (depending on who you ask), with Kim Kardashian’s oily ass and its balancing act, Ray Rice’s knockout power, Janay Palmer before Janay Palmer, in the name of $$$$, became …. Janay Rice, Russell Wilson’s hair, LeBron James’ moving truck, George Clooney’s wedding (finally), Facebook’s 10thanniversary, Catherine Jo Perry (NEWSALERT: Catherine is not Russian), Google glasses (for everyone), Apple’s iPhone 6, ScarJo’s mommy skills (sad), Pete Carroll’s enthusiasm, Lana Del Rey’s “Ultraviolence” , Iggy Azalea’s “The New Classic”, Katy Perry’s quirkiness, Donald Sterling’s old and racist ass, Michael Sam, the College Football’s Playoff System, Kate Upton (again), the NFL’s in-house mess and way too much of Roger Goodell, Derek Jeter’s retirement, way too much of Miley Cyrus, and for the love of God more Ariana Grande, is almost over?
Jay Leno was kindly stiff-armed; Jimmy Fallon was vociferously introduced as new host of “The Tonight Show”. We had to deal with a slow-downed Internet because of outdated routers, but Amazon blessed us with a smartphone. Sadly in 2014, we lost Robin Williams, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Joan Rivers, Shirley Temple, Mickey Rooney, and Barbara Walters to retirement.
If you live in Miami , and are a man in some cases, you had to deal with senile drivers, clueless politicians, snobby bitches that can barely spell their names looking for $$$, half-empty condominiums around you no matter where you go, single and divorced mothers looking for $$$$, people that only dial you up when they need you, expensive new-palm trees, expensive tolls, way too many blonde women with bangs wearing aviator sunglasses, more fake boobs, fake eyelashes, snobby fashion bloggers, dogs, puppies, grown men walking puppies, chicks from high school that want to get ------, wannabe musicians, clueless publicists (with a few exceptions), ungrateful publicists and music managers, ungrateful music editors, ungrateful students, miserable bookstore associates, I-95 and women fondling their respective cellphones while attempting to drive on I-95.
But living in the most beautiful city ever aside, 2014, in totality, was a step in the right direction, especially if you had the opportunity to interview Bradley Cooper, Scarlett Johansson and my favorite fashion blogger, Maria Tettamanti, among others, were welcomed with open arms by Miami Children’s Hospital, kicked ass at some “important” tennis tournament in Key Biscayne, made Serena Williams, Rafael Nadal, and Maria Sharapova laugh, rocked Coral Gables, again, received your first Google paycheck, even it was for $7.19, threw away approximately 13 phone numbers, laughed out loud every time you opened your high school yearbooks, attended concerts, tennis matches, football games, baseball games and basketball games; had lots of fun in the parking lot with a friend before FSU-Miami, too; read books, listened to music and wrote looking out at the ocean. And learned, more than ever, who to trust and who not too, while pointing my professional priorities in a new direction thanks in part to a 29-year-old woman I’ve been promising myself since 2009 to get away from, but have yet found the courage to do so because sometimes your heart weighs more than your mind.
Or you’re just consumed with the task of watching most of the 39 bowl games college football fans all over this great nation are going to be blessed with this holiday season, starting tomorrow with drumroll, please…..Nevada (7-5) vs. Louisiana-Lafayette (8-4) in the R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl. Free shipping boxes and masking tape for everybody! In fact, there’s so many bowl games tomorrow, including one sponsored by a “famous” potato company and another by a media company (seriously), we couldn’t possibly live past 2014 if Monday afternoon’s Miami Beach Bowl, pitting BYU (8-4) vs. Memphis (9-3), didn’t give us a reason to leave work early, even though the game is being played at Marlins Park in Little Havana. Besides, what a blow to Miami’s economy! BYU students!!! Seriously? But we don’t want to wake up your 72-year-old Cuban-Jew uncle who is probably sleeping right now in order to be well-rested for the Boca Raton Bowl featuring Marshall (12-1) vs. Northern Illinois (11-2), Tuesday night. But if you can’t possibly be sitting inside Florida Atlantic Stadium on December 23 at 6 p.m. and you’re a diehard University of Miami football fan you can make your way to Shreveport, Louisiana to check out the Hurricanes (6-6) try their luck against the South Carolina Gamecocks (6-6). That’s if you’re not making your way back from Nassau, Bahamas where Central Michigan (7-5) will play Western Kentucky (7-5) in the Popeyes Bahamas Bowl. I LOVE FRIED CHICKEN! I LOVE FRIED CHICKEN FROM THAT SUPERMARKET CHAIN WHERE SHOPPING IS A ……. Forget about it. Just sleep, open gifts, eat like a pig, have sex and eat some more until New Year’s Day at 5 p.m. when the games that really matter begin..
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Here now are my Top-10 blogs of 2014.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email
Thursday, 18 December 2014
wordbyfernie: WEEKEND IN MIAMI: Santa’s Enchanted Forest, please...
Posted on 12:19 by RAJA BABU
#Cuba #PresidentObama #US #Miami #weekend #santasenchantedforest #grandcentral wordbyfernie: WEEKEND IN MIAMI: Santa’s Enchanted Forest, please...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. BREAKING NEWS: After the first time in 53 years, the United States of America has a president in office the Cuban...
WEEKEND IN MIAMI: Santa’s Enchanted Forest, please mommy, Grand Central and a cheap football game….
Posted on 12:16 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
BREAKING NEWS: For the first time in 53 years, the United States of America has a president in office that the Cuban government finds deserving of “respect and recognition.”
All it took was President Obama’s overhauling of U.S.-Cuba relations, the first of any kind since the two nations severed ties in 1961, which centered on the return of an innocent U.S. International contractor turned prisoner (Alan Gross) in exchange for three convicted Cuban spies.
In short, the U.S. will move toward re-establishing an embassy in Havana (diplomatic relations), broadening use of existing categories of travel (travel and trade), raising remittances from $500 t0 $2000 per quarter in “support of the Cuban people” (raising remittances), commercially exporting items to allow Cubans to communicate with people in the United States (expanding internet service) and monitoring Cuba’s terrorism activity (terrorism review). What’s more: You my fellow American will be able to use your CREDIT CARD in Havana. And travel as you please in “support of the Cuban people.” Great!
I’m glad Mr. Gross is home, now able to celebrate Hanukah with family and friends. But in no way should these negotiations be celebrated, especially when they will do little to aid the most important people of all: the Cuban people. It also stings to the heart to realize President Obama is turning over convicted criminals for merely a concession from the Cuban government. So, they’re going to release 53 political prisoners, so they say? News flash: The Cuban prisons are flooded with thousands of political prisoners. Use of the Internet? Cubans on the island will be able to communicate with each other, and relatives in Miami, perhaps, but its unlikely they will have access to the world around them. It’s always been like that, why expect anything to change now?
Like most of the people that take their time to come through here, I’m not 70 and hanging out at Versailles all day with an “Anti-Obama” or "Abajo Fidel!" poster board at the ready. But I was raised in a home held together by Cuban parents, both of whom had their lives uprooted by political circumstances, and I walk the streets of Miami with the pride of a man born in Cuba, not in the United States.
That’s why yesterday’s announcement, never mind President Obama’s attempt to relate with his poor use of Cuban lingo, hurt so bad; really bad. From the outside, it looks as if all the U.S. is doing is extending a lifesaver to a starved, drowning nation that once upon a time had the Soviet Union, and Venezuela, more recently, to lean on. No matter who was in the White House, be it Kennedy, Nixon, Carter or Clinton, respectively, Cuba never sought the need to negotiate with the U.S. because they had financial support from the aforementioned. - until now. Cuba is in financial ruins, bursting at the seams, and that's the only reason the Cuban government is suddenly welcoming renewed relations with the U.S. A once beautiful island, but now starved is looking for any help it can get. “Si Obama, no es facil.”
That’s why yesterday’s announcement, never mind President Obama’s attempt to relate with his poor use of Cuban lingo, hurt so bad; really bad. From the outside, it looks as if all the U.S. is doing is extending a lifesaver to a starved, drowning nation that once upon a time had the Soviet Union, and Venezuela, more recently, to lean on. No matter who was in the White House, be it Kennedy, Nixon, Carter or Clinton, respectively, Cuba never sought the need to negotiate with the U.S. because they had financial support from the aforementioned. - until now. Cuba is in financial ruins, bursting at the seams, and that's the only reason the Cuban government is suddenly welcoming renewed relations with the U.S. A once beautiful island, but now starved is looking for any help it can get. “Si Obama, no es facil.”
But it’s the WEEKENDin MIAMI and since you can do, say, eat and wear anything you want in Miami, unlike in Cuba, and it’s the last WEEKEND before CHRISTMAS, you should dance salsa, eat lechon and scream at your neighbor with the passion of a woman that has finally found LOVE or is getting laid, in exchange for having to raise your man’s 8-year-old daughter. Or you finally found the red zipper dress that allocates the fake tits you got in 2010 perfectly! Now, that deserves some respect and recognition.
FRIDAY 12/19: Do you have a heart, a big one? Dylan has been bugging the shit out of you for weeks because he wants you to “sneak” out of work early to take him and his buddies to Santa’s Enchanted Forest (Tropical Park, 7900 Bird Road, 305-226-8315). It’s thisclose to Christmas and he’s so excited the only way he’s going to be able to sleep a full eight hours before next Thursday is if you take him to Miami’s ol’ holiday theme park where he will be delighting amid lights, rides, games and cotton candy. Honestly: This is the shit for children and since you were once a child and begged your mom to take you to SEF so much she almost had a heart attack, you should do the same for your little guy. Park opens at 5 p.m. Kids 2 or younger get in free. Single-day passes cost $20.56 to $51.40. (www.santasenchantedforest.com)
SATURDAY 12/20: All the names on the list on your kitchen counter are scratched off and your Christmas tree is surrounded with wrapped-boxes of all shapes and sizes. You’re pretty much set for Christmas Day, which means you don’t have to deal with obnoxious kids and snobby bitches at Aventura Mall until next November. All you want to do is put on your orange tank top, blue skinny jeans and bone pumps to shake your ass away to fused rhythms of Afrobeta and friends at Grand Central (697 N. Miami Avenue), all for $10. And think about it: You’re going to have a blast and probably won’t have to avoid some Halston-reeking bro by screaming, “Get the fu$% out of my face, dude!”
SUNDAY 12/21: To suggest you reach into your wallet to spend your hard-earned $$$$ on the Miami Dolphins is like telling your best friend to call up the dude she slept with in February because she’s single and wants a new handbag for Christmas. Just like the Dolphins, it would be worthless at this point. But if you have never been to a professional football game, this is your chance. For starters, you will be able to pull up to Sun Life Stadium (347 Don Shula Drive, Miami Gardens, FL 33156, www.sunlifestadium.com) and buy a pair of tickets, off a scalper preferably, for close to nothing, much like the amount of clothes you and your friend will be wearing since the game starts at 1 p.m. and it’s usually really hot around that time of day in Miami. And if you’re really hot, you might also be able to bribe one of the concession stand workers into cutting you deals on food and stuff. Besides, you’re going to be in a half-empty stadium since this game is as meaningless as the guy you met at Blue Martini at 4 a.m. last night.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email
Tuesday, 16 December 2014
wordbyfernie: Still haven’t started Christmas shopping, sexy? Do...
Posted on 11:49 by RAJA BABU
#shopping #Christmas #Miami #malls #women #wordbyfernie: Still haven’t started Christmas shopping, sexy? Do...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. You have nine days – NINE DAYS, BITCH! – until Christmas Day and like most of the people around you when you hast...
Still haven’t started Christmas shopping, sexy? Don’t sweat it …..
Posted on 11:48 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
You have nine days – NINE DAYS, BITCH! – until Christmas Day and like most of the people around you when you hastily pour a packet of raw sugar into your latte inside your favorite coffee shop every day at 8 a.m. and scream at the lady behind the counter of your go-to supermarket at 6 p.m. twice a week before running to the checkout line because you can’t possibly wait six minutes for a fresh order of fried chicken, even though you were stuck on I-95 for 45 minutes after leaving work yesterday, you’re a procrastinator.
And you’re from the 305, which means the six boxes of Christmas ornaments you own are still neatly stacked in your garage and your godson is really fucking confused. The poor kid has been to your boyfriend’s house four times since you hosted Thanksgiving dinner and there’s still NOTHING under the 12-inch slim Christmas tree you bought in mid-November. But you’re still in the “honeymoon” stage with your new man and having sex as if it’s 1993, so it’s understandable why you still haven’t started crossing names off your Christmas shopping list, never mind actually going out and BUYING gifts!
Just admit it: YOU’RE A PROCRASTINATOR! And with Christmas Day approaching at the speed of your boyfriend’s ejaculation skills, you feel more pressure right now than Kim Kardashian in yoga pants. But luckily you live in Miami and are surrounded by so many AWESOME malls, you might actually feel somewhat motivated to get off your fine ass and go buy Michael the PS3 controller he’s been begging you for; and some sexy little things for his mother, too. DALE!!!
Aventura Mall: There’s no bigger or better mall in the 305, whether you work for Roy Black or Carlos Gimenez. You have to be a really picky shopper, if not a royal pain in the ass, in order not to find something to your liking at this 2.7 million square, 300-retailer shop wet dream for women of all shapes, sizes and economic backgrounds. You can load up on upscale gifts for your bestie at Burberry and Emilio Pucci and do JCPenny to whack the nerd you never talk to at work. And buy him a tie, too. Over 28 million people visit the mall each year and its Florida’s largest-retail mall. It’s so big, there’s no chance you’re going to bump into Kim K’s ass on your next visit. But here’s some friendly-advice if your boyfriend is coming along: Keep him away from the food court, if you’re like really possessive and stuff. (19501 Biscayne Boulevard, Aventura, FL 33180. 305-935-1110, www.aventuramall.com)
Sawgrass Mills Mall: Wear sneakers or flip flops, hot stuff. Alright, you’ve been warned. With more than 400 retailers, including Banana Republic, Prada and Victoria Secret’s (Are you wet yet?), Sawgrass Mills is the largest outlet mall in North America, so forget about trying to cover the 2,383, 906 square feet of retail space in one visit, unless you’re a real freak or Ariana Grande is part of your party. But please have a plan before heading to the mall because it can easily turn into an all-day affair if you arrive unprepared. And make sure you use the bathroom at home; a lot of the bathrooms here have been replaced with what else, new stores. (12801 W. Sunrise Boulevard, 954-846-2300, wwwsawgrassmills.com)
Bal Harbor Shops: Come clean: You wish you were Jennifer Lopez and had a rich boyfriend – for one day at least. Well, while Ms. Bootylicious is still searching in all the wrong places for true love, you my friend just might bump into a professional athlete – you know a guy that plays sports for a living and makes a shitload of $$$$ - while pimping those new aviator shades in front of the mirror inside your favorite hut. Who knows? If he really likes you and you’re not wearing a bra, your life just might change forever; just maybe. ( 9700 Collins Avenue, Bal Harbor, FL 33154, 305-866-0311 www.balharborshops.com)
Dadeland Mall: Do you want your boyfriend to forget about you for half a day? Tell him you’re going to Dadeland Mall, home of the largest The Limited/Express store in the nation. And if you’re scared about doing some of your shopping here because your best friend almost got hit in the parking lot by some crazy, 75-year-old Cuban lady last month, don’t sweat it. Once you make it through the front doors, hopefully, you’re going to feel as if you’re in heaven, corporate heaven, with the likes of Macys, Nordstrom, Saks Fifth Avenue and The Cheesecake Factory smack in your face. And it isn’t too big or too small, so you can probably do the entire mall in one day. And pig out at the awesome food court, featuring Tango Grill and Sarku Japan, among other eateries. (7535 N. Kendall Drive, Miami, FL 33156, 305-665-6227, www.simon.com/mall/dadeland mall)
Miami International Mall: Let’s be real: This “Chongita” treasure in West Dade has seen better days since opening its doors 32 years ago. Traffic, especially on weekends can be a problem and the overall hygiene inside ‘MIM’ isn’t much to write about, so I ….. But how can you not have a soft spot for the mall you grew up shopping in? It boasts over 140 stores, including Macy’s and Kohl’s, and is only a half-mile away from Dolphin Mall, another credit card crusher that will definitely please every pore in your body. If you grew up in Miami you probably remember all the indoor tress and fountains you used to launch pennies in, and in the process drive your mother crazy. But it’s now more upscale and modern; like they actually have a lot of bathrooms and stuff. (1455 NW 107th Avenue, Doral, FL 33172, 305-593-1777, www.simon.com/mall/miamiinternationalmall)
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
Monday, 15 December 2014
wordbyfernie: “The U Part 2”: What if Butch Davis would have sta...
Posted on 12:46 by RAJA BABU
#Miami #Butchdavis #um #arianagrande wordbyfernie: “The U Part 2”: What if Butch Davis would have sta...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. Butch Davis, the Jimmy Johnson Rat Pack loyalist turned mid-90s University of Miami emancipator, makes an admission...
“The U Part 2”: What if Butch Davis would have stayed at Miami?
Posted on 12:43 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
Butch Davis, the Jimmy Johnson Rat Pack loyalist turned mid-90s University of Miami emancipator, makes an admission halfway through the first segment of “The U Part 2”, Billy Corbin’s two-hour documentary sequel chronicling the football program’s last national championship run before being engulfed in an NCAA rules violation and later its fall from prominence, that most Hurricanes fans, especially those in Coral Gables, have probably been waiting to hear for quite a while:
“I wish I would have stayed at Miami,” said an unapologetic Davis, who coached the Hurricanes from 1995-2000, leaving Coral Gables for the Cleveland Browns just days after the Hurricanes, bypassed to play the Oklahoma Sooners in the national championship game in favor of the Florida State Seminoles, defeated the Florida Gators 37-20 in the Sugar Bowl, finishing the season 11-1. “I regret leaving (Miami).”
While “Part 2” renders the 1999 non-existent, the documentary splendidly details the heavy lifting and reconstruction Davis did in his six seasons at UM, including stockpiling a talent-rich roster, which featured the likes of Frank Gore, Santana Moss, Jonathan Vilma and Clinton Portis, among others, and one Larry Coker, his successor, reaped the benefits of. Coker won a national title and would have scored himself another if not for Terry Porter’s controversial OT pass interference call that went against Miami in the 2003 Fiesta Bowl.
The documentary, which vividly captures how the football program, most notably in the late-80s and early-90s interjected itself in the social consciousness of a city fused of drugs, women and street creed, recounts the unraveling of former UM booster Nevin Shapiro from high-rolling caretaker to imprisoned Ponzi schemer. It concludes with current coach Al Golden’s unfulfilled expectations (still) to put a once proud program, and one with an unprecedented history, back on its feet.
Which begs the question: What if Butch Davis, a tireless, no frills recruiter with a pulse on Miami and the inner city kids he was targeting (even if he had no idea who Trick Daddy was), had never left the University of Miami? What if Butch Davis, not Al Golden, was still in charge of a program deeply ingrained in our conscious, even though most of us never went to school in Coral Gables?
Just maybe, maybe, we would have never met Nevin Shapiro, Jacoby Harris and Terry Porter; Or Billy Corbin, who is off to Puerto Rico to do some crazy spinoff of “Cocaine Cowboys”, his 2006 documentary of 70s and 80s bloodied-Miami. And speaking of going to unforeseen heights to stay on your feet, or off of them….
Rumor has it hometown pop tart Ariana Grande, all of 21-year-old Arianna Grande, reportedly begs her staffers to carry her around whenever she’s too hot to walk on her own. It’s gotten so bad the former Nickelodeon princess insists she be “carried like a baby” because walking is just too big for her. Well, with Christmas around the corner, here’s a great gift idea for Ariana unless she disappears forever or something, which would do a lot of us a lot of good. (http://www.target.com/p/tike-tech-all-terrain-x3-sport-single-stroller/-/A-11317617?ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001&AFID=google_pla_df&LNM=11317617&CPNG=Baby&kpid=11317617&LID=9pgs&ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=11317617&kpid=11317617&gclid=COOZ_vfqyMICFQ4S7AoddVAA0A)
….My bald head is captured for approximately three seconds in The U Part 2” following the on-field chaos following Miami’s 27-24 victory over Florida State in 2000… “A heartfelt thank you should go out to the Dallas Cowboys for participating the 2014 NFL season. You gave your fans plenty of frills and thrills this season, and didn’t even need Michael Sam… Joe Philbin’s future in Miami is as good as fried; so is Ryan Tannehill’s…. Kurt Warner reportedly considered a return to the quarterback-starved Arizona Cardinals; the entire city of Seattle is laughing right now, while trying not to spit their Starbucks…. The Buffalo Bills – the BUFFALO BILLS – scored 19 points in a football game against the Green Bay Packers. Please, clip and save… Mark Sanchez dressed up as Mark Sanchez last night against the Cowboys…. As long as Rob Gronkowski is standing on his two feet, the New England Patriots will keep winning. And Tom Brady will look like the best quarterback ever… Chris Bosh has turned into a pretty decent three-point shooter, hasn’t he? Steelers vs. Patriots, Packers vs. Seahawks in the conference championship games, anybody? What was that about Derrick Rose, again? Breaking: LeBron James is still alive… Trading for a fast second baseman and a quality starting pitcher was nice, but the Miami Marlins are still missing a quality catcher and first baseman; third base is iffy, too… The Mets are armed, the Cubs are closer. The Dodgers are a happier bunch, the Pirates are not. The Blue Jays are the best team in the AL East, the New York Yankees are not. The Chicago White Sox and Seattle Mariners are awakening…. I recently had a dream that the Chicago Cubs, with Jon Lester pitching eight scoreless innings in Game 7 and Anthony Rizzo, hitting a go-ahead home run in the bottom of the seventh, defeated the Boston Red Sox in the 2017 World Series.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook) and visit http://www.latinbeatsvibe.blogspot.com . Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
Friday, 12 December 2014
wordbyfernie: Lending her voice: Shakira joins Obama in launch o...
Posted on 11:33 by RAJA BABU
#shakira #presidentobama #earlyeducation #childdevelopment wordbyfernie: Lending her voice: Shakira joins Obama in launch o...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. In a Twitter Q&A on Wednesday, Shakira, a member of the President Barack Obama’s Advisory Committee on Educat...
Lending her voice: Shakira joins President Obama in launch of Early Childhood Education Campaign
Posted on 11:31 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
In a Twitter Q&A on Wednesday, Shakira, a member of President Barack Obama’s Advisory Committee on Educational Excellence for Hispanics, answered a question on the most effective way of getting a high return on every $1 spent distributing funds to needy schools by writing “every $1 invested in early education for disadvantaged kids has a return of at least 10% and reduces social spending.”
“Numbers don’t lie!”
Now, the Colombian pop star is continuing her efforts to promote better programs for early childhood development and education by assisting in the start of a new national campaign, Invest in US, alongside other high-profile celebs, including John Legend, Julianne Moore and Jennifer Garner.
The campaign, organized by the First Five Years fund and its philosophical partners, launched earlier this week at the White House Summit on Early Education.
Shakira shared her educational tribulations growing up in Barranquilla, how being a first-time mom has opened her eyes to the importance of reading and her desire to impact changes in the U.S. education system as reasons for joining the campaign – all of them which she outlined in the Twitter Q&A with Secretary of Education Arne Duncan (http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2014/12/10/what-you-missed-shakira-and-secretary-arne-duncan-answer-your-questions-early-educat)
Shakira, Legend, Moore and Garner have lent their voices for a series of PSAs that highlight individual programs already making a difference Chicago, Utah, Virginia and West Virginia. Shakira’s has recorded a video about Max, an educator in Utah, in Spanish and English as part of the campaign. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCahIJsXKjo)
According to a statement, dozens of corporations, foundations and nonprofits have already pledged to raise awareness for Invest in US. Earlier this week, the White House announced over $1 billion in funding from the private and public sectors, which will mark the beginning of the campaign, and hopefully encourage others to invest as well.
“Babies have an innate thirst for knowledge and enjoy learning – making it fun through focused play is another way of bonding,” wrote Shakira to conclude her participation in the Twitter Q&A.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
wordbyfernie: A must in your child’s Christmas gift bag: An awes...
Posted on 09:34 by RAJA BABU
#children #books #Christmas #fernie #drseuss #thepolarexpress #frostythesnowman wordbyfernie: A must in your child’s Christmas gift bag: An awes...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. If you’re in your kitchen every weekday at 6:30 am tussling with milk and cereal, in between scribbling your sign...
A must in your child’s Christmas gift bag: An awesome book
Posted on 09:32 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
If you’re in your kitchen every weekday at 6:30 am tussling with milk and cereal, in between scribbling your signature on homework worksheets, you probably race out of your front door at 7 am with no makeup on your face and half a bagel sliding out of your mouth.
And you have children in elementary school, and therefore might want to encourage them to read independently, which boasts a kid’s vocabulary, reading comprehension, verbal skills and achievement-test scores. In fact, if your son/daughter is in the second or third grade he/she should be reading on their own by now, if not already graduated to more descriptive, longer books.
Christmas is also around the corner. And you’ve probably been losing sleep over not being able to find the new Xbox wireless controller and Kindle Fire Kids’ Tablet. But there’s no better time of year to slide a book – yes, a book – in your little one’s Christmas bag - You’re going to be glad you did it.
Here now are some awesome children’s books… And Merry Christmas, hot stuff!
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN: It’s short and has recognizable drawings, so your kid will be smiling at bedtime reading about the jolly happy soul with the corncob pipe, coal eyes and button nose. Frosty is a fairytale (rumor has it), but your munchkin will be in heaven.
THE CAT IN THE HAT: The story centers around a tall and anthropomorphic cat who wears a red and white-striped hat. But beware ‘cause by the end of the book your kid might be thinking it’s alright to let weirdos in your house as long as he/she doesn’t tell you.
THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD: Colorful and illustrated, this is the children’s bible on the values of optimism and hard work. So much so, your child might want to jump out of the window of his second floor bedroom because he’s pretty confident he will land on his feet. And if by chance he breaks his leg, he has nobody else to blame but himself.
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: The setting has a somber tune, but it just might instill a little bit of hunger and determination in your child’s belly. It’s also a classic story of bonding and sharing. And family values.
THE POLAR EXPRESS: A classic Christmas tale which tells the story of a young boy’s adventurous ride to the North Pole on a train filled with candy. Moral of story: Some trips can be heartbreaking, but at the end of the day some dreams do come true.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
Thursday, 11 December 2014
wordbyfernie: Weekend in Miami: Working on your list dude, singi...
Posted on 12:11 by RAJA BABU
#shopping #josefeliciano #runningwithserena #fernie wordbyfernie: Weekend in Miami: Working on your list dude, singi...: By Fernie Ruano Jr. That time of year, again. The iPhone 6 on your desk has been vibrating violently in recent days, more than usual. Y...
Weekend in Miami: Working on your list dude, singing with Jose Feliciano and your single mommy and keeping up with Serena Williams, or at least trying…
Posted on 12:08 by RAJA BABU
By Fernie Ruano Jr.
That time of year, again. The iPhone 6 on your desk has been vibrating violently in recent days, more than usual. You’re getting text messages from phone numbers you don’t recognize at all times of the day, overnight too. You smile in the mirror every morning, just because; women smile back when you acknowledge them in public, just because. You know a lot of women. You live in Miami.
“Remember the winter of 2011?” recently asked a friend sharing an outdoors table of a popular Coral Gables café before taking a mini sandwich to her mouth. “You’re lucky I’m still here.”
Three years have flown by; the last three months of 2011 were a carnival ride in the dark: spontaneous, adventurous and risqué, the purple yearbook tempting. Sushi with a crush - just once. Ferrari rides with a stranger; Romcoms in the back row of the theatre with a college student. Starbucks twice a week with a single mom; her 8-year-old daughter my student; Sex in the water, homemade cookies, late nights at the bookstore and tears with a beautiful woman; my best friend too.
But you have a girlfriend or a wife; maybe you don’ have a wife or girlfriend. Perhaps she’s just somebody you respect, admire and love so much you can’t find the words to express said love. Either way you’re probably asking yourself the same question: What should I get her for Christmas?
You can go one of two ways, dude: Practical or impractical. Do you feel like you want to satisfy her practical needs? Well, find out what she’s into (reading, biking, jumping out of planes), if you haven’t done so already. By the way, if she’s breathing it means she’s alive and has probably been implying or straight out TELLING YOU what she wants. The impractical, although a bit more complicated, requires you to be great, for the sake of being great: clothes, jewelry, handbags, cookies, books, cars and panties (just kidding, UNLESS SHE’S ALREADY BEEN INTRODUCED TO THE GOLDFISH.. ON YOUR KITCHEN TABLE!!!).
Seriously, just DO your homework, Tito! And if you do it correctly, you will avoid strange silence, weird looks and spending your $$$$$ on some ungrateful bitch who isn’t worth a penny of your time. TRUST ME!!! Now go get ready fool it’s the WEEKEND and you live in MIAMI…
FRIDAY 12/12: It’s less than two weeks ‘til Christmas and there was nothing under your unlit tree when you left your house this morning. DE VERDAD, ASERE? What are you waiting for? Listen… Instead of running to the elevator at 5 p.m. and loosening up your tie before you get in your BMW and call your best buddy because you want to go sit in some dimly-lit lounge and talk to your buddy about your ex-girlfriend until he tells you “I’m out of here, bro…” and turns his back, here’s a suggestion: hit the mall. Yes, any off them. Dadeland; Aventura; Sawgrass Mills; Miami International… You’re way behind and have a lot of work to do. And if you walk through the front doors smiling and all positive and shit, you just might meet a hot single mom who signed off on her divorce papers this afternoon. Dale!! (www.aventuramall.com, www.simon.com)
SATURDAY 12/13: So you scored the hot Puerto Rican mommy last night and even bought her an ice cream before walking her to the car with all her bags. Now look at yourself in the mirror (again) and don’t play that stupid shit about waiting 12 days to call her. Dial up and tell her you have two awesome tickets to see Jose Feliciano, the legendary soulful singer that pulls at the acoustic guitar with reckless abandon. Tell her it’s going to be cool outside and a lot of people at Hialeah Park (2200 E 4th Avenue, 305-885-8000, www.hialeahparkcasino.com) will definitely be in the holiday spirit and in a joyous mood and waiting for Feliciano to wish them “Feliz Navidad”. But your date is Puerto Rican so she probably fell in love in a park when she was a teenager to “Cuando pienso en ti” and “La copa rota”. Do your homework; then watch her sing the songs. And move a little closer. DO IT!!
SUNDAY 12/14: Serena Williams is fast. Serena Williams is also determined and driven. That’s why Serena Williams is a professional tennis player, fashion designer, writer and part-owner of the Miami Dolphins; And a competitive runner on her spare time. But don’t think for a minute Serena is running a 5K once a month and hiding in her Palm Beach mansion. Serena is as serious about running as this dude. Serena is so serious the No. 1 women’s fuzzy ball crusher is hosting the quarter mile/5K Serena Williams Ultimate Run on South Beach, starting at 8 a.m. Alright…. You’re going to have the chance to run alongside Serena (alright maybe) as you bust it on Ocean Drive and through South Beach. And you’re going to nail a Nike tee, meal certificate, refreshments and a goody bag for your sweat beads and effort. Who knows? If you stick around for the post-race party you just might get to hang with Serena. But stay out of her way because Serena has a big …. ($55 for the quarter run, $40 for the 5K, www.theultimaterun.com , 305-538-8899)
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
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