Katy Perry digs corn dogs: Top -5 things from football weekend

Katy Perry has a serious crush on corn dogs; And Oklahoma quarterback, Trevor Knight. There’s a 46% chance Notre Dame head coach Brain Kelly is going to eat one of his players before the end of the season. San Diego quarterback Phillip Rivers has apparently tired of anything or anybody that stands in the way of him being able to feed his 7 children. And since Tom Brady doesn’t have the time to send individual pizzas with extra body fluids to the 976 blabber mouths on your plasma who dedicated approximately 1,365 hours this past week to his funeral, Gisele’s husband has a message: BITE MY MEATBALLS!

You see: Who says you can’t work up such a big appetite after watching 15 minutes of ESPN’s ‘College GameDay’ followed by approximately 23 hours of live football that you‘re not going to eat 8 hamburgers, 5 pickles, 2 pizzas, 4 empanadas, a family-size bag of chips and drink 2 bottles of Diet Coke, all while figuring out Al Golden is a little chunky and running out of excuses, you don’t need to go sit at a buffet for three hours if you live in Alabama and Oklahoma and love college football, the New England Patriots are going to win the AFC East and play in the AFC Championship Game and Katy Perry can not only eat whatever she wants, but is really, really hot.

Are you as hungry as I am? Well, it is Monday afternoon and lunchtime..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyWuFG0iCQU

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS: According to just about every football analysis who cashes a paycheck or steals one, the Patriots and GQ’s favorite cover boy were as good as dead after getting trounced last Monday night by the Kansas City Chiefs, a run-heavy team and the kind which usually give the Patriots some trouble. Unfortunately, those same football experts failed to realize after just 4 games that the Patriots opened the season with a restructured offensive line and trying to implement a new piece (Tim Wright) in their two Tight End-offense. Now, comes word that ol’ Tommy Boy doesn’t get along with some of his coaches. But what those same talking heads have failed to tell you is that the AFC, besides Denver and possibly San Diego, is as weak as it’s been in years. See you in late January, Chowder Heads.

KATY PERRY: EAT ME! Those are the only two words I could muster – and not necessarily in that order – as I watched Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson make predictions (pretty accurate predictions, by the way), throw corn dogs all over the place and call out Trevor Knight (poor kid), in a fluffy pink sweater with a black number and armbands to mimic a football jersey. She was funny, personable and spontaneous, from her kissing giant cardboard –heart cutouts of Knight and Kirk Herbstreit to egging on the crowd after Lee Corso picked Alabama over Ole Miss and put on the elephant head to backhanding the NFL by saying, “I have let them know I’m not the type of girl that would pay to play the Super Bowl, so.. the ball is in their field.” And if that wasn’t enough to stiffen your Verne Lundquist, Katy later made the rounds in the crowd wearing an outfit that would make any 18-year-old private school girl very proud. I LOVE KATY. I LOVE KATY. I LOVE KATY. I LOVE KATY.

TROPICAL STORM...HURRICANES: “We’re the University of Miami…we shouldn’t be giving up 300 yards of rushing (actually 319) to anybody, much less Georgia Tech.” – a chronic caller and alleged University of Miami football diehard at approximately 12:45 a.m. Sunday night after the Hurricanes lost to Georgia Tech 28-17. And I couldn’t stop laughing while trying really hard not to spit out the slice of Domino’s Pizza in my mouth. Face it LAZARO: These aren’t your abuelito’s Canes. Miami has been getting gashed for years – and long before Randy Shannon – in recruiting by schools with deeper pockets and better facilities and has always struggled to keep a staff together for any kind of time because of $$$$$ as well. Al Golden’s excuses at the podium and time management skills, especially before halftime and late in games, leave a bit to be desired, but the Golden Boy isn’t going anywhere since he has like 5 years left on his contract and the administration loves him. And about that stadium at Tropical Park? Hahahahahaha!!!

RELAX KIDS: ALABAMA. OKLAHOMA. OREGON. TEXAS A&M. UCLA. I feel you; you want to forget about your calculus class and just go sit at the bar and drink some more because you root for ‘Bama and there’s no way now that Nick Saban is going to get another statue; well, at least this year. R-E-L-A-X. It’s only the second week in October and the kids in College Station, Norman and Eugene are drinking as hard as you are. Seriously: Just about every team in the Top 10 has holes, which makes the thought of the first playoff go-around in January a whole lot of fun. So, just relax and pray Jameis Winston walks out of Publix, again, without paying for his shrimp and lobster.

 Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook). Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.