By Fernie Ruano Jr.
You’re going to need a sweater this weekend - Maybe.
You see: Its fall in Miami and the perky-blonde on your plasma has been warning you for several days that a cold front is making its way south from Canada and will be taking our temperatures down to …. 64 degrees in most of the western communities in South Florida.
So, if you live in Kendall, Weston or Miramar, chances are you will need a windbreaker for your early-Saturday morning run – or a fitted-turtle neck and leather boots if you’re a woman and will be speeding on Ponce De Leon at 9:15 a.m. while on your way to the ATM machine before breakfast with your dude.
But with apologizes to my favorite fantasy football teammate who owns Peyton Manning and lives in Minnesota, you my love would be wise to pack your string bikini because you live in Miami and know it will be hotter than your stove by 12:45 p.m. on Saturday since the last time you turned on your stove it was 2008, and you were married. And miserable.
But you’ve been divorced for a couple of months, you know your ex won’t be stalking you for the next few days because he’s going to be in Chicago watching the Dolphins and your 5-year-old son begged you to drop him off at grandma’s house when you picked him up from school today.
Translation: You’re free to do whatever the f&*k your little heart pleases. And you live in Miami, so you have plenty of options besides staring at a Cran-vodka while your chunky friend dances with some guy she met 15 minutes ago, eating four bags of Skittles in the dark and sobbing because the girl’s boyfriend in the movie didn’t survive the boat accident or cutting the edges of your lemon tree in the backyard…
No llores mas! Dale….
FRIDAY 10/17: You’re new dress is laid out on your bed and you’re ready to go. In fact: It’s been months since you went out dancing a little salsa. No worries; get ready to sweat your ass off at Red Bull Siempre Fresco, a project uniting artists from across the country hits Bardot Miami (3456 North Miami Avenue) with performances by DJs Moombahton Massive, Que Bajo and Peligrosa, who will all be mixing your favorite dance tunes with some Latin flavor. Party starts at 10 p.m.
SATURDAY 10/18: Get up! Let’s go! That’s what your best friend will be screaming in your ear when you pick up the phone at 5:15 a.m. after just two hours of sleep because remember you promised her two months ago you would join her for the 5K Komen Race for the Cure, a walk/race promoting awareness and education on breast cancer. Come on! Who cares if you’re a little beat from the night before? It’s for a good cause and will definitely help keep your fine ass in shape. (Bayfront Park, 301 Biscayne Blvd., 305-668-0070, $10-$35)
SUNDAY 10/19: You’ve been working your ass off for the past seven months and are down to 123 pounds. You run three times a week kicked meat to the curve in March. Basically: You’re a health nut and strongly believe in plant-based living. Your hot ass will be at the Seed Food & Wine Festival which will host some really informed and progressive speakers, celebrities, chefs, athletes and authors entertaining you around film screenings, upscale cuisine, brunch and garden parties. All of it will lead into a plant-living outdoors festival. (4 p.m., Midtown Rotunda, 786-975-9596, $75 VIP, $40 general admission)
Want to cheat a little? The Coconut Grove Seafood Festival will be cooking up plenty of stone crab, shrimp and lobster rolls to keep you going back for more and more seafood – as you long as you pay for it. There will be plenty of restaurants to choose from, live music to groove to and fresh food for sale, in case you want to take some home. So, skip breakfast and head to Peacock Park (2820 McFarlane Road).
And don’t forget your sweater. And bikini.
Do you want to know more about this 305-reeking, beach-bumming, Cuban food-obsessed dude? Well, then.. You can connect with Fernie @wordbyfernie (Twitter) and Fernie Ruano (Facebook) and visit http://www.latinbeatsvibe.blogspot.com. Who knows? If he really likes you, he might even give you his email.
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