By Fernie Ruano Jr.
I’ve temporarily suspended the editing of some Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union-video, which I just received, and was recorded with a phone Saturday night in a farm in the Redlands reeking of grapes, strawberries and crocodile-leather chairs, to let you know something right off the steamer:
My women’s fashion sense extends two blood red-pedicured toenails north of suggesting that a high school crush wear fuchsia-orange nail polish to our sushi-fused lunch date, since my high school crush is streaky blonde and pale-toned. But that was in 2011, before my high school crush answered my suggestion with an emphatic ‘YUCK!” and laughed it off hysterically, while pondering whether to show up or not.
However, I’ve decorated my Perry Ellis Portfolio’s with enough $7 lattes, lost approximately 100,000 hours of sleep and been fed enough manure by your favorite publicist to supply 12 of Jerry Jones’ farms for life, all in the name of staying up all night staring into my laptop and searching for the words to describe the very interested female actress I just interviewed, and sitting 3,000 miles away from me.
But this isn’t about my five minutes with Scarlett Johansson to help her promote Lucy for the 90th time before 11 a.m. on a Tuesday morning, or my beachside chat with a Latin singer still dreaming about selling 2 million copies of his album, which was recorded in 2009.
Today is all about this dude and things you probably didn’t know.
1. I go for an annual walk on the Florida International University (South) campus, since Florida International University is where I earned a Journalism degree.
2. I enjoy watching ridiculously awesome Salsa dancers, because I am a pretty good dancer myself, and an even better dancer when partnered up with Captain Morgan and Coca Cola.
3. I’ve read the entire ‘5o Shades of Grey’ catalog. You too would get more excited if you put your Kate Upton calendar in the microwave for five minutes.
4. I dig movies, especially if that pouty-lipped blonde I already mentioned is in them.
5. I had a serious crush on Farah Fawcett when I was 16. I cried when my mom threw away THE poster (You know the one).
6. I still have a crush on my high school crush, even though my high school crush thinks I’m still 16, not 4^, and doesn’t know I have pictures of her in a real tight tee thanks to technology. Ok, I ‘m kidding Mimi.
7. I run to Latin and Hip Hop music. And Marvin Gaye, if I’m still drooling over someone I met yesterday.
8. I can’t get enough sweet relish, barbeque sauce and mustard. I would put mustard on my girlfriend’s bellybutton, if it was legal.
9. I can eat 12 pieces of fried chicken in one sitting. Chew on that Wordy Girl.
10. I can EAT pizza, too; like 12-15 slices on a Saturday night while I’m watching the Gators and crying. And drink coffee and inhale donuts, even when I’m not crying.
11. I love Spanish. And love it even more when a woman talks to me in Spanish, unless she’s mad at me, which in that case I try to leave the room very quickly.
12. I can cook almost anything, except liver and your crap at 3 a.m. on a Sunday.
13. I kill veggie burgers and California rolls, and oatmeal, pancakes, eggs, bagels, coffee and sausages at anytime of the day.
14. I run a lot because I love the feeling of sweaty, Dri-fit Nike shorts soaking up my meatballs, eating six bagels and three bananas for breakfast after drinking three pints of Guinness beer, and pretending I’m Brad Pitt after crossing the finish line. It feels even better when I run along the ocean.
15. I can run 11 miles on any beautiful South Florida morning. You know, if it’s not 115-degrees outside.
16. I dig balls, especially if there on a football field and baseball diamond.
17. I read a lot. And still buy stuff at bookstores.
18. I love discovering places in the best country in the world. THIS ONE!
19. I love writing, and getting compliments from you fools. Seriously: It fires me up.
20. I’m very caring and thankful, especially if you took the time to get to know this dude. Now, hurry up and go check out #wordbyfernie and www.latinbeatsvibe.blogpost.com because a partnership with me could be in your immediate future. That’s if you’re as serious about creative, writing and marketing as me.
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