By Fernie Ruano Jr.
It will still be rainy and muggy,not snowy, when you step out on your driveway in Indianapolis on Sunday in your Reggie Miller jersey, because wearing your Paul George or Andrew Luck jersey would be way too embarrassing, even in mid-September.
Sorry, dude. I know you’ve waited all summer to fashion the colors of your favorite professional basketball team and/or football player, but face it: the Pacers will be participating in the 2014-15 NBA season for the right to get swept by the Cleveland Cavaliers in the first round of the playoffs and the only reason you feel good about the 0-2 Colts is because Chris Berman and Al Michaels tell you every week Andrew Luck is really smart, even though Andrew Luck has a bad habit of throwing the ball to the other team at the worst possible time. I mean: Did you watch the game Monday night? This guy...
I don’t have the time to tell you what Andrew Luck’s record is when he eats his oatmeal at 8:15 a.m. or stretches at 11:45 a.m. for 1p.m. home games. But my vision is good enough to know the Colts can’t run the ball, Robert Mathis is out for the season, T.Y. Hilton is really small, Reggie Wayne is really old. And 10-6 looks really generous because you reside in the AFC South and the rest of your schedule is littered with below average football teams, starting this week at Jacksonville.
So, if you’re a Colts fan you scream and rant for one of seven teams off to a 0-2 start, but thankfully you also root heavily for a scruffy-looking QB good enough to get you into the first round of the playoffs because Tennessee, Houston and Jacksonville ….
Speaking of 0-2, I‘d like to thank Kansas City, Oakland and the New York Giants for participating in the 2014 NFL season, since Tampa Bay and New Orleans will be playing meaningful games in late-December.
Bucs @ Falcons (Thursday, 8:15, CBS): Don’t fire up FireLovieSmith.com, just yet. Tampa Bay has lost to two inferior opponents, but keep in mind this is a new coaching staff implementing a new offensive system. In a must win spot this week, the Bucs will be cashing a playoff ticket, if they can get to mid-October at .500. And facing Pittsburgh, New Orleans and Baltimore in the coming weeks doesn’t appear as daunting as in previous years.
Colts @*Jaguars (1 p.m., CBS): Those of you not praying for the SEC Network to fire Tim Tebow, should be praying for the front office to turn over the keys to Blake Bortles. A trip to San Diego and a home date with the Steelers, after facing Indianapolis, makes a 0-5 start a strong possibility. We want Blake! We want Blake! We want Blake!
Chiefs* @ Dolphins (4:25 p.m., CBS): The Chiefs are boarding a plane knowing their best offensive player (Jamaal Charles) and defensive player (Eric Berry) will likely not play. But the Chiefs will be packing a quarterback that can’t throw the ball over 20 yards. Hello, 0-3 and 6-10.
Raiders @ Patriots (1 p.m., CBS): An 0-3 start for the R-A-I-D-E-R-S is about a 99.9 guarantee since the Tom Brady isn’t going 1-2 and Tom Brady has better hair than Matt Scuab and Derek Carr. Seriously: The Raiders have no identity on either side of the ball (surprise) and a tough road ahead (Miami in London, San Diego and Arizona at home). The Raiders will be battling the Cowboys …in April for a Top 3 draft pick, after going 3-13.
Texans @ Giants (1 p.m., CBS): Just when you think putting on your XS Lawrence Taylor jersey and sitting in front of your plasma is the cure for a porous Giants’ offense, JJ Watt is coming to town. The Giants will not score 225 points this season. Or win five games.
Vikings @ Saints (1 p.m., FOX): Do you know Mike Zimmer is glad Adrien Peterson is playing on Sunday and not in jail? Well, because the Saints are going to score a lot of points on Sunday. And the Sunday after that and ….the Saints are going 11-5 because they have ...
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